today is the first day of a two week seperation from my girlfriend. i miss her terrably already. the last time i saw her, last night, was at her house. we were playing poker with some of her friends, but her mother (who isn't letting her go out with anyone right now) was there, so it wasn't like we could be 'together'. and she was being horrible!! she was wearing a button down shirt, with one too many buttons undone, and kept leaning over right next to me! so i'm trying desperately to not oogling her chest, all the while trying to keep a poker face to bluff her mother!!! god, i wanted to either kill her, or snog her brains out. and for those of you who don't know, that translates to kiss her senseless.
and to make matters worse, all i could think about was friday afternoon, when we made out in the park. god! talking to her mother, who i respect and fear about equally, while imagining her daughter in her swimsuit. that was painful. truly painful. but for her...i'd do it all again.
the only actual bad thing that happened was that i got manic, which meant that i got a migrane. thankfully i had my meds, but it took about 15 minutes for them to kick in. but when they did, i was fine. til i got home, and came down from the manic episode and got depressed. that was fun.
but it wasn't so bad. i worked myself into a nice funk, but came out of it enough to call her and talk to her. she listened to me as i told her about what's going on with my best friend (former best friend?) and comforted me when i was crying, then helped me move on. nobody else has ever done that for me. i've never trusted anyone else enough to call them in the middle of the night.
and that wasn't all we talked about. once i got the depression out of my system, we talked about playing poker that night, and about the next few weeks. she was tired, so i talked her almost to sleep; telling her about what i want to do with her if/when we get to go to mendocino together. (for those of you who don't know where mendocino is, picture the most idealic villiage on the northern coast of california that you've ever seen. it's picture perfect. my home away from home.)
it was the most amazing feeling to actually tell her where i want to go with her, and what i want to do. mostly i just write it down, but last night, i talked to her about it.
she's so amazing. every thing i see, everything i hear, or smell, or touch, i wish that she was there to experience with me. i saw a mother duck and five ducklings two days ago, and found myself longing for her to be there with me, to see them as well.