#2 today.

dykehalo's picture

Second entry in 2 hours.. and once again it's about my dad.
He called like 10 minutes ago asking how i was etc.. you know small talk and i asked what he was doing and he said looking at a dead body (typical for his job- accident reconstructionist). Then he went on to say that he's going to try and wrap it all up fast but that we may not be able to go to the SHOCK game tonight. Which is really sad for me because i LOVE SHOCK and i love going to the games. I was all excited.
He promised earlier this year that we wouldn't miss any games because of his work, that he'd assign other people if accidents came up but now... he doesn't keep his promise.
I hate when people don't keep promises. I grew up with my dad never keeping a single promise to me but he was still my hero and now i look back and wonder why.
If i make a promise i make sure to keep it and if i don't people know i've tried reallly hard to keep it. Everyone knows that if i promise something i keep it.
So many people have broken promises to me. They promise they won't tell anyone what we talked about and the next day all my friends know. They promise they'll come to a party and they don't.
They promise they'll try and hoook me up with someone... they don't even look.
I"M SICK AND TIRED of EVERYONE saying something and then not doing it. I HATE people who break promises because i'm always the one getting hurt in the end.
THey promise they'll always be there and they are never there!!
There are somedays i wish i could go back to cutting but i know that's not the right answer. I wish i could curl up in a ball and hide from teh world but that won't solve my problems. I wish i could face my dad but that won't happen. I wish i wish i wish.
Why do problems always seem soo big but then when you look at 3rd World Countries and your like "my life rocks". I don't like feeling sorry for myself and when i compare mine to other peoples problems they feel and seem like nothing.
But i geuss everyone has different ways of facing things and just because someone deals with the same problem or a similar problem as me better or different doesn't mean that i'm any less of a person.
I also hate that i can help all my friends with their problems but then i can't help myself even if it's the same problem. I know what to do but i can't do it.

I'm soo frusterated right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comments

wilma wonka's picture

would it help if...

me or someone else on oasis emailed him annonamously and said somthing along the lines of "dude, you're harming your daughter, she loves you, you love her, so stop this nonsense"? Try to talk to your dad and your friends about this. Start the conversation by writing them a letter, emailing them, etc. That way you make sure you're saying exactly what you want to say so that there's a much smaller chance of you hurting them. They'll probably respond in writing so there's an equaly small chance of you getting hurt by thier reply. Even if your dad doesn't start keeping his promises to you, setting up a calm, respectful, diologe will help to biuld trust and respect which will probably help a lot.
Good luck. tell us how it goes.

"gay: cheerful and lighthearted; merry." - The American Heritage Dictionary.

dykehalo's picture

At first i didn't read the

At first i didn't read the would it help if.. and so i just read "me or someone else on oasis emailed him annonamously and said somthing along the lines of "dude, you're harming your daughter, she loves you, you love her, so stop this nonsense"? " and i'm like you guys did WHAT!?!?!? lol
Yeh i've been thinking about confronting or like talking to my friends but everytime i do they deny everything so i think everything is in my head but it keeps happening and so obviously it's not all in my head.
My dad well he's scary i've wanted to say soo much to him for soo long but i just can't. I figure when i come out to him i'll just tell him everything else i've felt for my entire life.. but i don't plan on coming out to him till like university (2 years). We'll se how everything progresses.
But thanks.
~~~Fear is only a verb if you let it be.. don't you dare let go of my hand~~~