a day late and a heart beat short...

808Chik's picture

...from love. <3

i've been thinking a lot. maybe it's because i'm stuck.
stuck between a rock and a hard place. do i stay or do i go?
i feel like i'm in too deep that i can't just leave.
but i also feel that if i stay any longer the hurt will be much worse.
why did he have to like me? why did i have to get to know him?
why am i too damn nice?
i was better off by myself and having nothing to worry about.
well...nothing serious to worry about like, breaking someone's heart.

all i do is vent, rant, and complain. its like i have nothing better to do.
i don't feel the same anymore. my defenses are falling.
every damn second i feel like i'm failing and i'm getting weaker and weaker.
my mind...my heart. the confusion, the lies, the frustration.
i don't think i can handle this anymore.
i wanted to see where this could go and that maybe something good could out of it. but i can't commit.

commitment wasn't my issue before. maybe its because this time it's different. a guy not a girl. with girls there is the emotional and physical bonds, but with a guy there is only half the emotional and physical bonds. maybe this is the hint. the answer to my question.

the hurt and the pain. the obstacles. i don't want to hurt him. yeah i love him. but i realized that the love seems to be more in friendship and not in relationship. i feel that we were made to be friends more than soul mates.

is this even making sense? i hope so. i just hope that everything is going to be alright. ....or do i need help?

Comments

Toph's picture

No, it makes perfect sense.

No, it makes perfect sense. And, well, I don't really know what to say. Just that it's your decision on whatever you do in the end, and as long as you come out of it okay, I support you. I'm just a text away if you need me, anytime of the day, okay?

808Chik's picture

thanks :) well i think that

thanks :)
well i think that i have just made my decision. kinda sudden but i'll update in a post later to see what happens.

"i am who i am, so don't judge me for being myself"

Toph's picture

Okay, I'll be waiting.

Okay, I'll be waiting.

jeff's picture

Well...

Not to get all Matrixy, but you already made your decision, you're just figuring out why at this point.

I didn't really get why there would only be half the emotional and physical commitments because it's a guy and not a girl. Seems like if it's working, they are there, when it's not they aren't. Don't think guy/girl matters, really.

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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808Chik's picture

idk maybe i shouldn't have

idk maybe i shouldn't have put it that way. but i guess i feel a more connection with girls than i do with guys. period. sorry for that confusion.

"i am who i am, so don't judge me for being myself"