This is just going to end up being a rant.
Okay, so on top of the turmoil of figuring out my sexuality in the midst of the big picture and the outside world, I've been trying to figure out my relationship, past and present, with C.
And basically, we've just been fighting. I feel like she's been rushing this entire process for me. On top of my relationship that I had with B for a year. She just calls me a whore and makes me real horrible for all the "wasted time" that I spent with him. And how she waited around for me for a year, and how everything I want now (maybe) she wanted then. And it's like, she just dangles it in front of my face. "Oh, I'm so on with my life". "Oh, I don't need you - it's taken me so long to figure that out."
How do you expect me to even what to FIGHT for us when you make me feel like it's an illusion to begin with? There is absolutely nothing to fight for anymore. I feel as though she hates me, and I mean, it's understandable. But I would feel so much better if she would just stick to one side. Not one hour make it seem as though she wants this as much as I do, and then the next just condemn it to hell.
She's just turned from an emotional, actually, caring person to a cold hearted bitch. And the blame has been placed solely on me. And I think that it's just so ridiculous that I have to be called a whore and a mess and a liar. And I think it's ridiculous how she just rubs in my face that I'm fighting for something that isn't even present. That she's so over it. That she's moved on with her life. That she doesn't feel the same anymore.
And today she hit the low blow.
That she doesn't even love me.