boys clothes.

tayz's picture

I wish I could wear boys clothes.
I'm sitting here listening to a rave mix that's pulling me back into the barest corners of my mind where rhythm is a feeling that crawls under your skin, marching like a blanket of tiny fingers covering every inch of your body, each movement, each touch, bringing you further away from the physical and sending you into your own world, controlled by the synthetic and raw sounds, indescribable by words of daily use.

I can feel my jeans. They're black, but worn. The colours faded slightly from countless rounds in the machine after crazy adventures. I'm wearing them "too low" for the liking of my mother. I like them low. You can't make out the curves of my butt. I feel better, more comfortable.
My sleeves are rolled up. Electric blue, and warm. I remember the foul look my mother gave me the first time I saw this in the boys section of Cotton-On.
I went back a few days later and bought it anyway. I love it.

I wish I could wear boys clothes.
Well, I can, I guess. I wish I could wear them more.
Without getting weird looks from the guys at the counter, asking if it's for my boyfriend.
'No', I reply simply, and hand over the money.
It's not that I want to be a boy.
Or that I'm unhappy being a girl.
I just...don't like girls clothes.

Today I got hit on by a store attendant.
This time it was a girl, thankgod.
For a while there I thought only buffed up wogs with all their 'chicks bro' and the arrogant egotistical boys found me attractive.
They always seem drawn to me. I don't like it. They make me feel uncomfortable.
It's flattering, sure. But when they look you up and down, and their eyes linger that extra moment on your chest, waist and legs, I feel a strong sense of disgust run over me. I usually smile, and turn away.

I havn't got a job, or money of my own. If I did, my life would be much easier, I'm sure.
Next weekend I'll get money from mum and head into town. Buy some shirts, maybe. Hopefully another hoodie.

Oh god.
I've got a formal later on this year. December 5 to be exact.
I don't want to wear a dress. But there isn't much of an alternative.
I've considered wearing a tux. But I'm not out to my family. And it's a conservative catholic school. It wouldn't go down too well.
Maybe I just won't go.
I wouldn't be allowed to take my girlfriend anyway.
And I don't want to take a boy and have my parents thinking theres something going on.
They don't approve of my friends anyway. Urgh.

I don't know. Sometimes I just get really upset.
Its silly.
So's this entry.
Ah well.

I'm gonna go look online for some shirts or something.
I have the smallest wardrobe ever. I want clothes.

Much love to ya'll.
I'm craving a cigarette too =/

Comments

Lol-taire's picture

I find it kind of strange

I find it kind of strange that wearing/ buying boys' clothes is such a big thing. Half the boys I know wear their sisters' jeans and girls wear oversized mens' hoodies. It's normal.

Toph's picture

Wow, you got hit on by a

Wow, you got hit on by a girl? Awesome!

I get boy clothes. Well, not the whole wardrobe. I wear girl's jeans (which I hate) but it feels funny wearing boys jeans. So, I just decided to go with girls jeans that are slightly too big so they look a little dyke-ish. Haha. Yeah, I know what you mean about the funny looks. I've started getting boy's shirts in 8th grade, but I still get a little uneasy when people look at me weird when I'm in the men's section or when the cashier looks at me weird. But I don't only get weird looks when in the men's section. When other girls see me looking at the jeans or in the dressing room, they look at me really weird and then kinda drift to the other side of the rack. Either way, I get strange looks. So what? I just got used to it and learned to ignore it, and you will too. If you want to wear "boy" clothes (clothes really shouldn't be gender designated in my opinion), then go for it! Be feminine one day, butch another! Whatever you want. Don't let other's opinions stop you. Besides, the look on people's faces when you walk into the bathroom is kinda funny sometimes :P

yep_im_a_stalker's picture

I wear "unisex"

I wear "unisex" clothes.
Which really they're just "boy" shirts, but they call them "unisex" for some odd reason.
Anyway, I wear "boy" shirts with girl jeans. I like the mix.
I get uncomfortable when I'm in the store buying shirts. Everyone either assumes I'm buying the clothes for someone else, or I suppose they assume I'm really butch or something. (I hate when people think I'm butch. Not because I don't like butch, but because I prefer to be considered a behavioral androgyne)
Most times I just buy clothes online.
Erm I think I went off topic...or rambled or something...sorry.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

utter_insanity's picture

I like to dress up really

I like to dress up really butch one day and look femme the next. One time I went to a restaurant with my family while I was wearing a really baggy shirt that said "The Ellen Degeneres Show" on it and had slicked my bangs back with gel, and the waitress called me "sir." (Later on, she saw what my shirt said and asked me where I had gotten it, and said that she loved Ellen and watched her almost every day. That was cool. Plus she was cute.) I thought it was awesome, actually. I love for my gender to be ambiguous. I think it's because I really, really like weirding people out. It cracks me up when people look at me like, "Woah, is that a guy or a girl?" Yeah, I know I'm weird. But it's so much fun. :D

If you don't want to go to the formal, I completely understand, for all that's worth. I hate wearing dresses and skirts myself, and I'd hate going to a dance where I couldn't wear a tux. Plus, if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't want to go to a formal where we'd have to pretend we weren't together. So don't go. Spend the time with your girlfriend instead. :) But that's just a suggestion.


"Women in rubber will ALWAYS be flirting with me!" --Maureen in the musical RENT

bulldyke's picture

Clothes?

I, as my name suggests, am a total dyke. I couldn't survive without jeans and t-shirts. I don't care if they're boy or girl clothes, so long as they're lose and folks can't really see my breasts in them. I don't care if people can tell if I'm a girl or not; but it's funny when they think I'm a guy. Cept when I get kicked out of bathrooms...that's hilarious!

Yeah, clothes are annoying. It sucks that you can't wear what you want to. I've always been a total tomboy, but I've never wanted to be a boy. Just...female in a different way.

As to the formal...if you can't go with the one you're goin with, don't go at all. I go to an awesome school, in a fairly liberal town (I've got it all easy...sure...), so my gf and I are planning on going together. I'm either wearing a tux, or finding something even better. People can stare and call us names; I don't give a rats ass. But I know that it won't get violent (I hope), so I feel safe. It sucks to not be able to feel comfortable going as yourself, though. I haven't always been this free; I know how it feels. My advise is to not go at all. Or go with your gf, and pretend to be friends. Then, later, find somewhere where you can be alone, put on some music, and dance with her.

peace,
Bulldyke
"Hello world. I am me."

Arthur's picture

Hmm

I know what you mean about the clothes thing. I hate girls clothes. I hate the makeup. I LOATHE the body with the passion of a thousand dying suns.

But that's just me. I'm a guy with a girl's body, and I want a trade.

But I know about the guys too, with the rude and all. Doesn't happen a lot to me though, thank the Gods, but if it did, there'd be a lot more men missing vitals...I get too mad when that happens...

Anyway, I dunno what else to say. Stand up to them all. You only have one shot. Live life standing tall. Flip them all the bird, smile sweet, and walk away.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Don’t put me underground, I was meant for a life somewhere else.
Please Lord give me the way out before both of us haunt you.
We’ll steal tonight. (We’ll steal tonight.) "--Rise Against, "The Approaching Curve"