[Make note it occurred on 7-7-07]
I feel like I have so much to say. The past couple days seem to be a busy haze with a hovering surrealism that makes my head feel like it’s floating. Seriously, I wish I could make this sound as good as I feel.
Expect this to be long.
Vacation ended for me on the 6th. C wasn’t expecting me til late on the 7th [when I was to spend the night] so I thought I’d give her a mini surprise and just show up early on the 7th, considering I got back so terribly late on the 6th. Anyway, so I did. We shared a large hug [I felt all excited!] and went inside so she could finish something and we’d go out to her beach house.
Once there, we were super affectionate. Sure, we’ve always been huggy before, but now we were hugging and remaining close for a long period of time and holding hands and running our hands down each others backs. [The affection had been building since we decided to test the relationship waters before making it official; whenever we’d talk we’d be full of I-miss-you’s and phrases of the “I think about you a lot” kind. We were starting to talk more like a couple, basically.] One time I was looking out the window out onto the beach and I hear her get up to move and she hurries over to hug me, and explains once pulling away that I just looked cute. It was evident we both wanted to kiss and I knew the opportunity was open, but I wanted to wait until my instinct said “This is it. Kiss her.”
Night time rolled around and we ate ice cream out on the back porch while low tide set the scene along with a starry sky [cliché image, much?]. We held hands and sat close for comfort. However, it was early in the night and the old people next door were buzzing at their windows and all the houses on the row seemed to be lit. The atmosphere wasn’t right. I suggested we go back inside until it was later [not implying that it was for kissing purposes] and she agreed. Back upstairs we laid on one of the 4 beds in the room and listened to Feist and laid close, sometimes with my arm around her or the other way around. One time we were both on our stomachs and faces towards each other, and we kept locking stares, and smiling. It was the look, and I nearly melted. But I didn’t act on it just yet.
It was close to 11:30 or little before, and we were both growing sleepy, but by now the beach life was asleep and we could appreciate it more. Though she was sleepy, I encouraged her into going down and sitting on a bench-swing she had. But when she brought the cushion and blanket out for the swing I suggested we walk on the beach, given low tide. So away we went. The sand was cold, and C related it to snow while we held hands and walked by dark houses and a quiet ocean. I was comfortable, and so content in this moment. Actually, the whole night was like that, but that time enhanced the feeling. I knew what I was going to say, I had run it through my brain a couple times upstairs.
“Hey, I think we’re passed the whole ‘dating’ thing. So will you just be my girlfriend?” And it’s not like she was hesitant but her response was “Yeah, sure.” [She later apologized for the semi-hesitant response, and that she didn‘t mean to sound unsure.] “Sure? What does that mean?” “Yes.”
That moment was so fast, you know? It was a whirl of us pulling ourselves in close to each other, and our mouths coming together for the first time. Her first ever, and my first with a girl. Oh, jeez, I get serious butterflies just recalling it. The moment was such a rush. There was so much build-up leading up to this, extending all the way back from before I even knew she liked me. And this wasn’t just a simple kiss and pull back, we went in open-mouthed and it was a full-on tongue kiss. For lack of a better word: amazing.
I seriously couldn’t have asked for a better first kiss than to have made-out on a moon-soaked beach. And she was so good, for the first kiss. The first thing I said when we actually pulled back was “Seriously, you’ve never kissed before?” [mostly kidding because I know she hadn’t.] We continued to kiss for a long time, close-mouth and open. It felt like it wasn’t real. We both agreed and wondered, was this really happening? We’ve both been in this surreal world ever since. Sometimes when we kiss one of us will say “This doesn’t feel real.” “I know! what the hell?!”
We’ve been kissing so much ever since. Every chance we get. We stayed up until three that night just lying on her bed and kissing. And the next night [before she was leaving. Sad] while she was packing her mom would be in and out of the room but anytime she left C would check to see if she was gone and then run over and we would kiss. And when realizing that I had nothing for her as a departing gift, I decided to write her a letter to read on the plane. And as I wrote it in the other room, she would pass through sometimes and take the short trip to the table to kiss me, and then continue about her business. I never knew I’d love kissing so much. [Kissing a boy was never this awesome]. Seriously, I didn’t know it could be that fun and slightly addictive. And she’s such a good kisser. I melt on the inside. We’re so absorbed in each other when we kiss that it’s like we always know the next move, we’re so in-sync. It’s seriously amazing.
And here’s another wonderful moment: the day after our kiss, she had to work on homework and so I just read for summer reading and she’s sitting at a table, and I’m sitting on the couch right next to it. She reaches over and strokes my face and says “I’m sorry I was so unsure before. I’m definitely sure now.” And that was the heart of solidity I was looking/hoping for. Now we have it. Everything's out of the air and on the ground beneath our feet.
We’re each other’s girlfriend and life is beautiful.
I still feel like I have a novel on the tip of my tongue.