I've been so so stupid not to notice that my friend liked me, and now we're 'semi-miles apart'.

Cleopatra's picture

How could i be more stupid?haha!!! last school year, there's a friend of mine who i really really like, and just a few minutes ago (while listening to john mayer's 3x5), i realized that i think she liked me too. we shall name her kitty (because she likes kittens.haha)

How i realized that you may ask? Well, last year we became really good friends and it started when our class went to the country to have this 3-day recollection. I gave her a letter telling her that i want to know her better and that i want us to be real good friends (it's customary to give letters to your friends before/during recollection in our school). Nothing really happened during the 1st day, but during the 2nd night, the magic happened! haha!
during the 2nd night of our stay in the country, my friends(my close and not-so-close ones) and i decided to do something we never tried before(okay, this is nothing sexual.haha). after that, my friends and i were chatting about it because it was real fun and isnt it that in a group of chatting friends there's always this someone you're talking to? i mean, friend x talks to friend y, friend z to friend w and so on(i mean, that's typically the scenario. or maybe friend x talks to friends w,v,and t). moving on, while i was chatting with 3 of my friends, she approached me and gently pulled me out of the chat with my other friends. while she was talking, i noticed that she was gently getting us out of the crowd; she was leading me to someplace private. anyway, while she was doing that, she was telling me that she'd like to get to know me better too. she told me that she had read my letter and she would just like to disprove my 1st impression of her that she's hot-tempered and ambiguous, until we talked about our fears and dreams and some other stuff that are really deep. i shall say we had a very intimate talk that moment. and the most intimate moment was when she asked me if i wanted to lie on the ground and watch the stars with her. stupid me, i told her i have to go because i had a petty argument with one of my friends and i want to patch things up. it was really stupid of me because i was too preoccupied about my other friend and kitty was with me, telling me things she told me she never told anyone before. i was not even half-listening to her that time, and i was surprised when tears were rolling down her cheeks and she told me she has to tell me something really important and that she needed to tell it to me right that moment. but i asked her if she could just tell it some other time because im going to apologize to my friend. she quietly said yes and she even helped me look for my friend. that's how stupid i was.

the next day, i asked her what was it she wanted to tell me, and she told me it was nothing. and i was like "oh c'mon! what is it? you know you can tell me anything." and she said "nothing really. honestly."

** im just recounting the moments i acted stupid so it's kinda fragmented. **

another event was during our school fair, when we were preparing our art exhibit. kitty and i were both in fine arts so we made things together during that fair week- we ate, finished our paintings, did some funny and stupid things together. there were 3 incidents i can remember that happened, so here they are:
1st up was while we were doing the animal costumes together, and i was singing john mayer songs and she sang with me. she asked me what my favorite john mayer song is and i told her it's 'no such thing'. she told me hers is '3x5'. and i said "okkkk..." and after that she never said a word. it's only now that i realized that the song talks about someone(probably it's john mayer) who wants to see the beautiful sceneries with someone he loves.
the 2nd was when kitty asked me if i could wait for her til she finishes her painting, since i was finished by that time. i was wearing this fuzzy ponytail because i lost my ponytail and it was the only one i found at home. and then she asked me if she could borrow it. so i said yes, what the hell. since my pony was with her, i used my clip instead and i clipped my bangs in some manner i cannot explain here. when i woke up (i fell asleep in our classroom waiting for her to finish.haha. by the way, we had no classes that week cuz it was fair week) i saw her using my ponytail at the same time clipping her bangs in the same manner i clipped my bangs.(boy, was she pretty!) i asked her what was up, and she said she liked the way i clipped my hair.

and then the last one was when i told her to go up the school roof with me because i like it there and i want to share it with her. she agreed and we just spent some time up there, being quietly happy. and that day was the day we argued the week before.haha. what did we argue about, you ask?

we argued about the kiddie artworks in our art room. she kindda distorted and mutilated some clay art works exhibited in the art room and i got mad at her because she did it. then she told me 'i thought you'd ride with me'. she thought that i was always fun and i was ready to mutilate and decapitate bear heads but i wasnt. so there. we kindda didnt talk for about 2 days and i felt that she was really sad, albeit she wasnt trying to show it. until she caught me in our corridor and she asked me if we can talk about it. i said i need a little more time. after 2 hours, i approached her and i kissed her on the cheek and told her im so sorry for acting that way. then she told me she wasnt mad at me; she apologized for doing it, and after that we became ok.

so there. i've been really stupid and i cant make up for those because we're in different colleges already and her college is far from mine. though i wish we could get together sometime and watch the stars together.

Comments

yep_im_a_stalker's picture

Wow. I really think you

Wow. I really think you should try to get together with her. She sounds sweet, and maybe you can make up for the moments you messed up (ergh I couldn't think of a way to say it that didn't sound like I was insulting you or something)

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09/07/05

ForeverEndedToday's picture

I think you should tell her

I think you should tell her all of what you just wrote.

Cleopatra's picture

But I dont think I can, and

But I dont think I can, and I want to. I mean, what's the point? she must have moved on now, and i think i am too. I really don't know.

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. "- Lester Burnham, American Beauty