Moment of weakness

s0careless's picture

So I haven't talked to C in what feels like forever, which I understand is apart of the whole 'break' process. As well as apart of the, 'let me figure out my sexuality' process. But it's just hard. Before, it was like - we had to talk to each other. And now, whenever we make this awkward small talk online, it feels like we'd be better off just not forcing it. I wish that I could say all the things that I feel and want to say, but it's a matter of holding all of that back. She's extremely busy with her entire schedule with work and sports. And I'm busy with work and all of that. But it's like, at the end of the day, all I want to do is just be able to relax talking to her. But I can't even do that anymore.

Today I was cleaning out my voicemails on my phone, and the only one I had saved was from her before our one year. When we actually were on halfway decent terms. And it was just...idk. Sad doesn't quite suffice here. I miss hearing her voice more than I do seeing her type words to me on my computer. I mean, I see her at work in a blue moon, but even then - things are weird. I just miss us. So I called her and left a message, but I don't even know if it went through. And I don't know if I'm relieved or saddened by that.

I have no idea when any of this is going to get any better, or if it will even get any better.

Sorry for the retarded ranting.

Comments

Toph's picture

First, retarded is a mean

First, retarded is a mean word. I'm not forcing you to stop, just saying it's not nice to say. Why am I even mentioning this? Because my crush hates that word :P She has a mentally retarded uncle that she babysits, so she really doesn't like people using that word.

ANYWAY, sorry for that..

Things get better, they really do. I'm sorry about what's happening. She, like you mention, needs her space to sort things out. Um, so you don't have these mopey moments just keep yourself busy. Take up a hobby or something. Anything to keep your mind distracted. Then before you know it, things will get better.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Err, if you're on a break, I don't think you sit around bored and lonely until she figures her shit out.... what she figures out at the end of that period might not include you.

So, start flirting, go on a date, live. If when she figures herself out, you're still single and available, then good for her. But, you can't spend your life sitting around waiting...

The break might even be shorter if she sees you having fun without her and gets worried.

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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milk-tea's picture

you should move on, and

you should move on, and thats the most rational idea.
but
of course thats not exactly the easiest, either.
i am a bit in the same situation as you.
im sorry.
im trying to forget about my girly, but its not that easy, is it?

"society is crumbling faster than an Oreo cookie being run over by a turqouise freight train."