So I haven't talked to C in what feels like forever, which I understand is apart of the whole 'break' process. As well as apart of the, 'let me figure out my sexuality' process. But it's just hard. Before, it was like - we had to talk to each other. And now, whenever we make this awkward small talk online, it feels like we'd be better off just not forcing it. I wish that I could say all the things that I feel and want to say, but it's a matter of holding all of that back. She's extremely busy with her entire schedule with work and sports. And I'm busy with work and all of that. But it's like, at the end of the day, all I want to do is just be able to relax talking to her. But I can't even do that anymore.
Today I was cleaning out my voicemails on my phone, and the only one I had saved was from her before our one year. When we actually were on halfway decent terms. And it was just...idk. Sad doesn't quite suffice here. I miss hearing her voice more than I do seeing her type words to me on my computer. I mean, I see her at work in a blue moon, but even then - things are weird. I just miss us. So I called her and left a message, but I don't even know if it went through. And I don't know if I'm relieved or saddened by that.
I have no idea when any of this is going to get any better, or if it will even get any better.
Sorry for the retarded ranting.