Summer School Straightness

Disney's picture

Hmm, maybe this'll be the name OF my future novel. Anyway, boy who is oh-so-attractive, not muscular per say, but nicely built and has brown hair and awesome brown eyes who was connecting with me from a previous entry... seems reeeeeally straight :(

On another hand, *I* seem reeeeally straight or something to all of the guys in my class, since we're all buddy buddy style. Nothing has actually come up about girls yet, some of the things they say imply feminine weakness, but not meaning to be offensive really, so whatever the case, bizarro!

Still, we shared a glance and sometimes I wish I'd mentally remember to HOLD the glances, since I do for a few seconds of course, but break them off to listen to the teach or look at my work, or look at something someone is doing. It seems like holding boy-o's gaze would tell me a lot though.

Anyway, tomorrow I'll uncork my means of talking to him and see if he takes the bait. If not, I was trying to fall asleep the night before last and was imagining coming out to my blue-eyed soft-spoken year-ahead super crush that's coming back for a semester next year. It'd be at school on registration day, I'd say something about having a question and then wanting to ask it in some fresh air. Then we'd go to the back part of the school where no one would be, and I'd be all: This has been something that's been bugging me for literal months, and I really don't want you to take this the wrong way, and maybe it means nothing or maybe it means a lot, but I actually wanted to tell you or ask you on the last day of school weeks ago. And then I went on and imagined his various reactions, maybe some teardrops if he really is gay, a hug, an understanding 'sorry, I'm not', a 'no'. I can see him taking it just fine, I really want to know if he is gay or what's up though, since my feelings about him are ebbing, but the moments pop up more and more, where I want a BF.

I sort of want to ask someone from my summer school class to a movie but they don't all live within 20 mins of me for sure, and it'd probably just be me+them, or me+them and one of their friends. Hmm. I wish I could brave it to go to a gym... and find the time with unloving grade 12 work. Hugs and kisses.

Comments

5thstory's picture

Well, I happen to understand

Well, I happen to understand you quite well. School and straights, quite a place. As long as glances are controlled, everything works out perfectly, guys tend to be absurdly blind to everything that is not a glance. Good luck about your crush, I just ruined a huge opportunity with someone, and I learned one thing: if you have a chance to say things, say them, keeping stuff to certain people is not good. Well, finally, good luck!

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens