to come out or not to come out, that is the question

wilma wonka's picture

I can't decide if I should come out or not at my sleep away camp. For a while I've been like, "I'm gonna come out and finaly kill this g-d damned closet which has been pissing me off so much". Then I briefly mentioned it in another journal entry and people were like, "whoa, think about this a little, you really do care what people think". So here are the pros and cons to coming out, is it worth it?

~My camp is a zionist progressive youth movment which prides itself of being very libral and accepting, etc. We frequently talk about homosexuality and everyone says their fine with it.
~Everyone at my camp is very open, having that traped feeling of being in the closet is really hurting my summer.
~This will be my 6th summer there, everyone knows me so maybe even if people were homophobic they'd still be ok with it cuz they know me so well.
~Our tents have no walls so girls are used to being seen naked by boys so why should they care if a gay girl sees them nude?
~I want to get expirience and get to know what it's like being out so that I can decide if I want to come out at school.

~I'm currently out to two people at my camp. One was a complete bitch about it, she won't change while I'm in the tent and she clearly feels uncomfortable around me. The other one I told her on the one day over the year that I got to see her besides camp. For that day she seemed pretty much fine with it but it was really to early to tell how she'll react when we're around eachother a lot more.
~People say stuff like "that's so gay" so it seems like people are just as homophobic but embarassed about that.
~no one else is out at the camp, could this be because someone else was out and it didn't go so well?
~It's a Jewish camp, could some people be homophobic for religious reasons?
~I love this camp, I don't want EVERYONE to HATE me. I don't want the camp to be destroyed for me but it's being destroyed by me being in the closet. yippeeeee, i get to choose how to die!!!!!!!

coming out to just a few people won't help because everyone's soooooooo open and that's what's so nice about the camp that the only way to feel even slightly honest/open would be to tell everyone.

If I decide to come out, how should I do it? should I spread rumors, should I just mention it casualy while we're discusing homosexuality, should I say what girls I think are hot when people ask me which boys I find hot, etc?


Grace Hughen's picture

I can't really give any

I can't really give any useful advice because I avoid religion like the plague. I guess if you're really set on coming out, and think that the gains of being open will be greater than the losses, you should just be casual about it. If you act like it's a big deal that you're gay, people might feel weird talking to you about it (because heaven forbid they say the wrong thing). But if you just mention it, it's as though you're saying you're vegetarian or a Star Wars fan or some such thing. Granted, some people will still think you're some sort of alien being if you are vegetarian or like Star Wars, but it's just one thing about you.
If you don't come out, that's fine too. It's camp - a place you go to relax and have fun. You don't want to wreck that by causing a lot of people to feel weird around you and possibly avoid you, so if there are a lot of people you think might not be cool about it, maybe put it off. Or test the waters by asking what they'd do if a friend they had known for a long time turned out to be gay.

gaynow's picture

It's your call in the end.

It's your call in the end. I'd say come out, but that's just me not being you or knowing your situation at all, so that doesn't actually count as advice. Yeah. Ignore that. But yeah, if you decide to come out, I'd say do it casually. At my camp, my music director was asking all the girls in our group if they had a boyfriend, and my response was "I don't have a boyfriend... or a girlfriend... which I'd prefer..." and that was enough to be out to everyone (unless they're all really dumb) and not make a big deal out of it. But, that's just my two cents. Regardless, good luck! Tell us how it goes.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

jeff's picture


The two lists are a bit off-balance. The reasons to come out are all strong and reasoned and the reason to not come out are more of a stretch, no?


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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Dark_Roses's picture

I sort of know how you feel.

I sort of know how you feel. I came out to a few people at a time and some of them were okay and some weren't. It's hard.... I'm only bi and its hard enough. Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine. She has known she was gay for pretty much as long as she can remember. In THIRD grade, she came out to one of her best friends (she trusted her)... and then her friend told everyone... she was pretty much forced out of the closet. I came out (the rest of the way) to my friends at a party and all of them were ok with it. Its your choice... But if I were you I would come out during the last few days or last week of camp just to be safe.
Hearts and Hugs,
Annie Rose

dykehalo's picture

i definitaly think that you

i definitaly think that you should come out. After all you've been going for 6 years and you probably plan on continuing to go right??? like after this year so you can't stay in the closet forever.
There are several ways you can come out-
when people are talking about what guys they like and they ask you say "Well i'm not really into guys, i like girls..." or something around those lines. Or when everyone is talking about homosexuals if theres a pause in the discussion or sometime that seems appropriate just say "I have something to tell everyone... I like girls".
Don't go spreading rumors about yourself that can just end up nasty.. but if you wanna come out as if it was a rumor wait for like a day or two into camp and then one night while your in your tents or just chatting be like" Someone told me there's a rumor going around that i'm gay... and just to clear the air... it's true."
~~~Fear is only a verb if you let it be.. don't you dare let go of my hand~~~

dykehalo's picture

lso like it might be a

lso like it might be a little contradicting after my other comment but don't make a big deal out of it but don't say it casually either just like inbetween i geuss. I find that when i say it casually people are afraid to come to me and ask questions and are just weird around me because they aren't sure if i really meant it but when i make a big deal out of it there like she wants attention... just make sure that everyone knows your comfortable with them asking questions and such assuming you are. Because a lot of people haven't really had an experience in knowing someone who's gay.. or at least they don't think they know someone gay.
~~~Fear is only a verb if you let it be.. don't you dare let go of my hand~~~

andyouwillknowmebythesoundofmyname's picture

a friend told me once

First of all, she's really cool, and she has been out WAY longer than I have, so I trust her opinion.
She said that you should treat being gay like any other part of your personality. You shouldn't hold it back, but you don't have to reveal everything about your personality all at once.
Like Grace said, you could just mention it like you would if you were to let slip that you like star wars.

I decided to take a peek in the closet.
What a surprise to find myself hiding inside!