yeah, if you've read my previous entry, this one's connected to it. for all of those who havent read it, it's about how i messed up with my friend whom i have a crush on. i messed up because i realized just now that maybe she liked me too but then i was too preoccupied and selfish to notice. she was really sweet to me, like telling me things she has never told anyone before but i never listened to them fully, inviting me to lie down and watch the stars with her but then i was too preoccupied that time; in short not really paying attention to her that much. but i really do like her like her. but there are times when she would just get in my nerves, because she talks a lot.haha.
anyway, now we're in different colleges and our colleges are like endpoints of a line. they're really apart, and we cant find time to meet because she's very busy with her majors, always has exams, and she goes home late. ditto me, except that i have a way with cramming things.hahaa.
both our universities are co-ed, but it seems like i'm still 'in love' with her(because i have this theory that once i enter a co-ed school i'll forget my 'homo-moments.' haha). yeah, i have a crush on this guy who's in one of my class, but i like her more than that guy. maybe. i have been thinking about her lately, and im imagining that we're watching the stars together, and maybe she could tell me what it was she was trying to tell me the time she was crying and was kind of dying to tell me something but then i cut her off. and i admit, it was really really a bad move and it was a very sucky thing to do. we have chatted a week ago(while she was doing her school papers.i buzzed her because i wanted to at least chat with her badly.haha.), and i asked her how she's doing. she told me that she was one of the boys already because girls make up only 10% of their class, which was a class of 40. i asked her if she was gay, and she told me she wished, because she couldnt help it but be attracted to the males.
and by the way, (this was really long long time ago, but i remember this vividly), one time, while we were chatting, i asked who her avatar was and she told me it was her crush. and then she started blabbing about her other male crushes, and she even told me what turns her on and off. then i asked her why she was telling me all that, and she said "because you asked so!" and then she typed "i dunno..." afterwards. the thing is, i only asked who her avatar was and she started blabbing things. but the thing is, she never told me her what her sexual orientation is, but im pretty sure that she's straight because it makes her wince to see two homosexuals together (as in 'together-together') and she's kind of homophobic. i think.
what do you think? do you think she likes me back? omg. everytime i wake up and before i go to sleep my mind is deluged by our memories together. i just want to see her and hug her tight and just be beside me. but the thing is we can't. she's so so far away. i miss her badly. i wanta make up for the times i messed up. i want to return her sweetness and treat her more than she treated me. she's really really sweet and thoughtful, and i'm always fucked up.
ah, there was another time when she gave me a lollipop and some sweets during valentine's day and she told me those were the prizes she got in a 'quiz bee'-like contest. she told me while she was answering in the 'quiz bee' she was thinking about me.
but the thing is, she's sweet to just EVERYBODY. and i asked one of my friends if she thinks my friend-crush likes me back, and she told me it's hard to tell because she's really really sweet, and that i might just be misinterpretting the things she does to me because i like her.
so i'll pop the question again, do you think she likes me back?must i move on, and forget about what i feel for her?
and grazie for taking the time to read my entry. i'd appreciate it more if you drop a comment or two. *kiss and hug*