What still hurts...

ReinbowGrl's picture

It hurts that I still care. That I doubt that she will even think about the date today. That she won't care. What I hate the most is that I still care. I sat with Heather today and talked about it...Because I am not yet over her or what we had. Because if I could rewind time and fix the broken things back in the beggining, two years ago today, I would. I would undo all the hurt from both sides. Because I destperately wanted to be that one. I'd change everything to go back to what we had...Heather, Grace and I were talking about the people who we will never get over and will always love to a certain degree, there will always be that physical and emotional wanting...And It somehow came out that she was my "one". But it came out all wrong. It sounded like I still thought that she was that one for me, you know, THE only ONE. Forever. And she's not. And most days, I'm okay with that. I can go days without thinking about her, and then suddenly...It hits me like a Mac Truck...I hate that she can still make me cry and we haven't even spoke to eachother in a long time. I should be stronger than this and better and a million other things. But I'm just not. And for my own mental stability I know that I should stay away from her, but part of me will always remember the girl who loved me, and showed me what love was for the first time ever. Most days, I'm okay. But today, I'm just not...

Comments

bulldyke's picture

It took me two years to 'get

It took me two years to 'get over' my first love, and she will always have a place in my heart, I will always love her, even though she broke my heart.

It's okay to cry; it's okay to care. But you know that. You, like me, I think, just want it to be all over. If you can't be with her, then why care? But the heart doesn't speak the same language as the mind, and it does things it's own way.

I don't have any advice for you; I wish I did. I wish I could tell you to do this, that and the other thing, and you'll be over her and healed. But it doesn't exist. You just have to ride the pain out, and know that if you're willing to heal, then the healing will come. It sounds like it has already started, but it's never fast enough, is it?

peace,
Bulldyke
"Hello world. I am me."

jenevieve's picture

: : h u g : :

*hugs*

i'm right there with you.
unfotunately that means i have no advice to give.
but i can give hugs.

*hugs*

jen
x

My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All these women out there praying for a man, and i'm giving them my share. - RMB

Gia_Marie's picture

"Our fate is what we

"Our fate is what we make."

My first love will always hold a special place in my heart. She's one of my best friends which sometimes makes it a lot harder to get over her because she's always there. I love her, I always will. But now? I have a duty to my current gf as well as my ex to move on, for everyone's sake.

I know how you feel. Most days I'm okay. Yesterday I was not. I won't be. Not until I have some closure. We have never spoken of what happened. I have regrets.

Seems to me like closure's you're only way out.

She's the one for me. She's my soulmate. She's my best friend. She's my confidante. She's my buddy. But she was never mine. Not really.

It is what it is. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.