Why?

bulldyke's picture

Why does it seem that as soon as i find someone who i love, someone who does, in fact, love me back, do they get ripped away?
when we first were going out, i couldn't have been happier. truly. that was teh best week of my life. and then boom, no more of that. we spent four months with pretty much no contact whatsoever. at the end there, the highlight of our relationship was making eyecontact over the bikeracks.
then it started getting better. i told her a bit of what i was feeling in my notebook, gave it to her, and she, essentially, said 'i love you'. we started to work at getting to know eachother better. we texted every night; had wonderful conversations, it was wonderful. we started to be able to spend time together; hanging out at the pool and making out in the park. i was even happier.
and now? now she's in another time zone; she might as well be on mars for all the contact we have. i want to e-mail her; i know she's got access to a computer, but i don't know how risky that could be. in hte past, her mother has opened her e-mails, and she's gotten in trouble for them. is that still happening? and if not, but i play it cautious, and don't say all the things i want to, will she think that i don't miss her. that i don't love her?
my aunt says that if it were an easy relationship, i wouldn't be in it, but gods do i hate waiting. i've been waiting for most of five months to go out with her. really go out with her, not...not whatever it is we've been doing. i want to take her to the movies, buy her icecream, bring her flowers on a whim. i want to hold her hand when we're together, and find secluded corners to kiss her in. but no....no, i have to be patient.
don't get me wrong; i don't mind waiting for her. i'd wait a lifetime if i knew she'd be with me in the next, but i'm not very good at this. i know she'll be coming home in a month or so (six weeks...gods), and when she does, she'll want to be with me. i have to hold on to that. but it's so hard...

Comments

nydolls1973's picture

my 2¢

good god dude, i've been through all that only worse.
It does get worse.
haha
I guess when you have something it's worse when you lose it isn't it?
–––
the anti-philosophy of spontaneous acrobatics / tristan tzara

bulldyke's picture

gee, thanks, dude. makes me

gee, thanks, dude. makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside to know that it gets worse.

peace,
Bulldyke
"Hello world. I am me."

nydolls1973's picture

I mean it could be worse

I mean it could be worse than your situation >_>
–––
the anti-philosophy of spontaneous acrobatics / tristan tzara

bulldyke's picture

all right. sorry i snapped.

all right. sorry i snapped. my nerves are a bit frayed at the moment. and yeah, it could be a helluva lot worse. she could not be coming back.

peace,
Bulldyke
"Hello world. I am me."

icameherealone's picture

Send her a letter via snail mail..

her mom cant open that..right?

bulldyke's picture

Address?

Wonderful advice, and I'd love to, but other than knowing that she's in Utah, I've absolutely no idea where. So unless I can worm my way into her mother's good graces, which is doubtful, we'll have no contact. Sigh...
But thanks for the suggestion

peace,
Bulldyke
"Hello world. I am me."