Does anyone have any advice about how to tell a room mate your gay?

littlekitten's picture

Does anyone have any advice about how to tell a room mate your gay?

I'm starting school in a few weeks and i'm not sure how to handle my room mates. I'm not really out with my straight friends from highschool, but i really want to live openly when i go to college, but i'm worried about making my straigh room mate uncomfortable. Especially because i'm not 100% comfortable being out around those who arnt gay. How has everyone else handled it?

Army_your_green's picture

well, i think its best to

well, i think its best to start from the beginning being open and honest. That is how I handled it, and I am very supported by my roommate and my friends. I have a friend that did the opposite and in return it took her almost two years to finally tell her friends. Some of her friends were hurt that she didn't tell them earlier. I think if you don't make a big deal out of your being gay then they won't. I guess just test the water with them, if they don't seem to be totally comfortable with you being gay then don't make it the center of your life when you are around them. But in my opinion it's better to deal with some discomfort than having to hide who you are. This is a new beginning in a lot of ways. Make your experience the way you want it. For me, I didn't want to be in the closet anymore, the way I was for most of my high school experience. You might be pleasantly surprised by support you receive.

He always leaves with some wise parting words like "you can't miss the bear!"

underdarkness's picture

I just told my roommate

I just told my roommate straight up that I'm gay and that if he had a problem with it he'd have to find a different room. He kind of laughed and said he was cool with it though :P

- One Nation, Under Darkness, with liberty and justice for white, heterosexual, rich, Christian men

Toph's picture

Well, my roommate found me

Well, my roommate found me on Facebook and so I didn't really have to come out to her (my profile is so gay, haha) :P She had a lot of questions about being gay and how others have treated me about it. At first I was kinda iffy whether or not she was pretending to be nice, but the more I've talked to her the more I know that she's adjusting well to the idea of living with a lesbian. I dunno, just drop small hints here and there. Maybe make a rainbow pillowcase or have something similar to that. See her/their (how many roommates will you have?) reactions. Just don't come on really strongly and don't be all hostile about them having to accept you. Just ease it onto them. You're uncomfortable living with a heterosexual but you'll probably adjust. They might be uncomfortable, but that'll change too. Just get it out there cuz, like you said, you want to be out. College is all about a new beginning, so no more hiding. Besides, what if you get a girlfriend and your roommates find out on campus? That'll be a shocker to them. Just tell them. Oh, and they'll probably be too busy with all the chaos of the first week of school to even fuss about your sexuality.

1stTeeka's picture


you could try and bring homosexualtiy up in a conversation ot figure out there opinion, or do something crazy
my friends that i've told are fine with it, although one made me jump out of a closet and yell surprise...

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

shadow fire's picture

I'm not in College yet but...

What I do is just be myself. I don't deny being gay, and I try not to avoid it. I just act like homosexuality is a norm just as heterosexuals know that they are the norm. But I suppose since your going to be living with them you should probably tell them. Try breaking it lightly like its not a big deal, as if you've said "O btw, I'm gay" a 100 times prior.

Fox's picture

Heh, I never really had a

Heh, I never really had a choice, half way through the year I was letting some people play 360 in my room, while I went out to pick up a pizza, this guy, who it turns out is gay too but acted really homophobic, stole my flash drive, which was loaded with gay porn, went through it, and then told the entire school. I was in boarding school at the time so it spread like wild fire. My roommate didn't care though, and we're still really close.

Bottomline though is that the vast majority of people mellow out by the time they hit college and stop giving a shit who's gay because they have their own problems. And there are three real answers you'll get so you can always bank on one:
1. That's cool
2. That's totally disgusting; I'm gone
3. I've always thought two bed rooms was one too many ^_^

littlekitten's picture

Hmm, i think i like the last

Hmm, i think i like the last answer the best ; ) But yeah, i dont want them to have to find me out. Did you get a lot of crap from people after they found you out or whatever? Wow, I would have been absolutly freaking out. How'de you handle it?

ForeverEndedToday's picture

What I would do is get her

What I would do is get her email or any other means of contacting her. If it was an aim conversation first thing I would do after all the "hey" "what's up" type of things would say "Before we room together there is something you should now just in case you are uncomfortable with it and are able to change rooms which I understand and wouldn't hold it against you: I'm gay. " Short and to the point.
I travel 'round the block
And I'm not looking to my right
I feel the glass against my cheek
And I can't see you in the light
I break my heart around this

ACCgirl's picture

Not really 'cause

Not really 'cause fortunately my roommate in the dorms next year is going to be my girlfriend, so uh... we sort of don't have to have that talk. ;-) I've jokingly mentioned it to her though: "I hope it's not awkward next year, but I like girls." She says she doesn't consider it too much of a problem. hee hee

Anyway, I wouldn't tell her before you meet her so that she doesn't have a chance to form any preconceived notions of you based on your sexual orientation (and even the most open minded of people do this invariably). I'd go with a casual reference later when/if the moment is right and after you've pegged her as someone who will be tolerant of it. If she turns out to be some raging homophobe, I'm certainly an advocate of the closet when it's necessary. Best of luck to you.

Cleopatra's picture

Just act the way you are;

Just act the way you are; and then your roommate might get the point that you're gay. I mean, in college, it really doesnt matter if you are gay or straight, at least in my college. Gays and lesbians are treated fairly and they even get to be the presidents and leaders of most of our orgs, so there really is no issue between the homos and the heteros in our university. Except when there's a straight girl who crushes hard on a cute gay guy, or vice versa. haha.

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