first post

Ricky-chan72's picture

so recently I've been spending more time in silence, thinking, because I'm coming out to my parents soon. I know for a fact that it will probably be one of the worst days of my life, my parents are *extremely* religious and rather homophobic, but I feel like it's now or never. I'm tired of living a lie and telling them shit that isn't true so they'll leave me alone. I really don't know how they'll react, out of the 3 scenarios I have, 2 are very bad:

1. mom surprises me and gives me the whole 'you're still my son and nothing will change that' speech
2. mom decides to get me "help" and sends me to a shrink, or worse, one of those facilities for the "treatment" of homosexuality
3. mom throws me out of the house

the scenario I'm expecting is # 3. but I'm prepared. I have friends who would be more than happy to let me stay at their houses, and I still have a job and money in a savings account. no, I'm really not joking.

anyone care to share some advice, or maybe share your own coming out story?


jeff's picture


Welcome to Oasis... you're certainly not starting out subtle. :-)

Sounds like you are committed to coming out, have thought it through, have back-up plans. And I do agree that authenticity is often more important than stability, although many people have been positively surprised by the reactions they get. That said, you may not be among them.

My advice is just to frame the entire exchange properly. You are telling them the terms by which you want them to continue to be a part of your life. If they do anything negative or remove themselves from your life, that was their choice. Too many people shift the blame for the repercussions on themselves, where it doesn't belong. If their reaction to truth is negativity, they get to own all of that.

Going to a shrink is no big deal, as any reputable shrink will say you're fine and offer your mother a follow-up session instead (which is what happened in my case). If they want you to go ex-gay, then I would just consider that option #3, only you choose to leave based on the outlined terms.

I think you need to re-frame it already, as the day you speak your truth can never be the worst day in your life. It can be the worst day in your mother's life, but that's her issue to work out. :-)

Good luck, although you don't really need it.


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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Ricky-chan72's picture

Thank you! I'll take

Thank you! I'll take everything you said to heart. It really made me feel better about the whole thing.

--Please be aware that coming into contact with me may result in long-term insanity and/or radiation sickness.--

the mouse that roared's picture

second jeff.

best of luck. whatever you do, keep posting here. I wish my parents' amazingness upon you.

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day

patnelsonchilds's picture

Welcome to Oasis and good

Welcome to Oasis and good luck. I agree with Jeff, there are really only two options. I'd say no to Jesus camp or any other such "helpful" scenarios and choose option 3 instead. Parents who want to recondition their children have essentially rejected them as they are.

I hope that you are pleasantly surprised. In either case, we are all here to help you.


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- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

Riku's picture

I wouldn't know much about

I wouldn't know much about coming out to unaccepting parents. I'm lucky enough to have parents who are totally accepting and supportive. At least about me being gay anyways.

It's good you have back-up plans. If your ready then go for it, just be prepared for anything. Something like, Prepare for the worst but Hope for the best.

And good luck.

TheInsideLlama's picture

I know what thats like :)

I know what thats like :)