Getting rid of labels and random other stuff

Naimah's picture

Well, i finally decided on what I am. For the longest I've been trying to figure out who I am. It's like I switched labels like underwear. First I was so sure I was straight, then I thought I was bi, then full out lesbo, then a complete 180 and was straight again. So, I finally figured it out, I can not be labeled. I just like who I like and am attracted to whoever I'm attracted to. Like everyone who I know wondrs what I am. Or I would use my label as a time period, instead of my 10th grade year, it would be my fruity stage, or around the time when I was straight or whatever. Like now I believed myself to be straight, becuase I haven't been attracted to any girls. Like there is some girl who I'm pretty sure likes me, and usually if I know someone likes me, I began to like them back, but not this girl. I think she's really nice and pretty and stuff but im not attracted to her. So I thought that since I didn't feel anything for her besides friendship, that I was straight. But I was thinking about it today, and I realized that even though I wasn't attracted to her, there are other girls that I would love to have been all up on me, so if I was straight, why would I want girls. So yeah.

Any ways on to other things.

Well, like I mentioned earlier there's some girl I think is into me. But she's not the only one that I think likes me, there are two other girls who may or may not like me.

Well, the first girl, her name is Jennifer, is someone I just recently met. With upward bound they gave us the chance to stay in the dorms for 3 weeks, and since it was my last year, I decided to stay. I had two roommates, Wendy and Jennifer, and like 5 dormmates. So the first time I met Jennifer was like a month ago. Um, and Jennifer and me like, clicked, and she quickly became the one in the house that I was closest too. And, I don't know, but she would always be all up on me. Like she would find random reasons to be near me, and she would just like sit on my lap, or hold my hand and stuff. It sounds kinda innocent, but thats just the way I'm describing it. PLus, I'm not the only person who noticed, like everyone who was staying in the dorms noticed. But, I don't know if I should look too much into it cuz, A) she has a boyfriend, and B) even if she was into me, in not gonna see her again, unless we both make a serious effort, so it couldn't go anywhere anyways. I guess if we really wanted, we could see each other, cuz we dont live that far from each other though. But if she did see me in a non platonic way, then there really isnt nothing we could do about because I don't like her like that.

Another girl I belive to like me, is this girl Jasmine that I used to like. We've known each other for like 4 years now. Back in middle school, I hated her so much, she used to make fun of me all the time, and basically killed my self esteem. But the self esteem is ok now, in fact, i have too much self confidence now. So, yeah in when i was in 8th grade, she was in 7th, I didn't like her at all I just thought that she was attractive. Then in 10th and the beginning 11th grade I had a giant crush on her, and belived myself to be in love with her, and she knew I had crush on her. But at that time, she was still acting like a bitch, but sometimes she would have her moments, and talked to me like a normal person. Like when I would go to her house to visit her family, who I considered cousins, she would want to hang out with me and stufff. But after like the 1st month of 11th grade I stopped talking to her, and haven't really talked to her until recently. But lately, if I'm at a family gathering, her family not mine, she would seek me out, and sit next to me. She would always want to talk and stuff. Like on Friday, we went to a pool party from the church, and she sat next to me. And she was like all up in me. Before she like was creeped out by me, but then she was like stealing my fork and eating my foood, and all up in mine. Then I went to her house on Sunday, because they were having a barbeque. And she had a piece of paper, and was writing people's names all pretty. She later showed me, and it had my name all over, but other peoples names too, then her sister told me that she was always writing my name, which made me wonder. Then, later when we were eating dinner, she came and sat next to me on the couch. She sat so close, that I could feel and hear her breathing. So, I'm wondereing if she likes me.

Then the other girl who I think likes me, is my friend Trina, the only one who is actually into girls. Trina is bisexual, and she goes out with my friend Francisco, who just happens to be my ex. We are always joking about us being a threesome and stuff. THis past saturday, we went on a field trip with upward bound, and on the way back I sat next to her on the bus. Before Trina would always talk about how she would get me in the end, because I always told her I was straight. But sometimes I would flirt with her and stuff. Anyways, on the bus ride back we were in like the last row, and the bus was really dark. Trina pretended like she was going to kiss me, but when I didn't turn away she actually did. So I'm guessing she like me cuz she wanted to ksiss me plus, she always flirts with me.

But yea, on saturday, that was my first time ever kissing a girl. It was ok, it think it wouldve been more speceial if I saw her as more than a friend. But it was cool.

Well this got really long so im gonna stop now

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Not having a label is a label.

Sort of like starting the non-conformists society.

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"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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