i'm back, coming out at camp went well

wilma wonka's picture

I came back from camp yesterday. I was there for 4 weeks. It went REALLY well!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

I left for camp on a Tuesday. As planed (I decided to come out months before camp started) on the first friday right before dinner I decided to stop trying to cover it up. It didn't come up for the first time until latter that night. It was around midnight and I was sitting in an ohel (it's a zionist youth movment camp so all of the words that refer to things we do at the camp are in hebrew, ohel=tent) with Ilana and Emily. I don't remember how it came up, it just did. Emily was the person who didn't have a great reaction last year when she kinda found out. It turned out that she's fine with it, she just wasn't sure how to act and I was so insecure about my sexuality that I freaked out at the slightest bad reaction. That was the friday that the harry potter book came out so I guess harry potter and I came out at the same time lol.

As I mentioned it's a Jewish camp so fridays and saturdays are special because of Shabbat. On Saturday mornings we have Shabbat chugim which are usualy fairly serious discusions about social issues. I went to one on homophobia. We talked about homophobia in general and the mild homophobia that exsists at our camp. Then we watched a movie called the Laramie Project. It was about the murder of a kid in Laramie Ohio because he was gay. I knew that that stuff happened but seeing it in a movie when I had just started coming out was REALLY scary. I started crying on the way to lunch which was right after Shabbat Chugim. A madrach (councler) named Ari and a madatz (CIT) named Amit pulled e aside and calmed me down. They were really nice. Ari told me about someone who used to go to the camp who came out and how everyone was fine with it. Knowing that someone had come out and lived to tell the tale helped a lot.

I don't remember if it was that day or the next day but SR came up to me and asked me why I was crying. In the process of explaining I told him that I was gay. Imediatly after I came out to him he asked if he could talk to me latter. I knew right then that he must be gay, he came out to me at lunch the next day. We talked about it a little. I was the second person he told and the first person who he really felt comfortable talking to about it. That's why I'm using his initials, he has an unusual first name and I don't want anyone who knows him to read this and know who he is. Anyways, it was nice talking to him. It was a chance for me to talk about my sexuality and I liked knowing that I was helping him. I also told him that he should get an account on oasis.

Since I figured he'd be on oasis soon I might as well tell him about my gender. He was the first person I've ever told about it. He was fine with it but I don't think he understood. He kept asking me if I thought I was a boy. Also, he didn't seem to grasp why this mattered. Even if he didn't get it, it was still nice to talk to someone about it.

Over the 4 weeks I just let it dribble out. If I wanted to say something, I said it. If someone was using homosexuality as a putdown, I told them to stop. I only had to do this twice. Still it was nice to finaly be able to speak up about that sort of stuff. No one ever had a bad reaction when I came out. The closest thing to a bad reaction was "OMG you're a lesbian! oh, ok" It was so much fun to live openly. It was like a breath of fresh air.

The last week was one of the best weeks of my life. Our chutzah bonded a lot and felt like a whole. A chutzah is sort of like your graduating class in school, except that it's for camp. It's the people your age. Its English translation is family. In the last week of camp our chutzah felt more like a whole, like a family. I belonged there. Ever since I came out to myself and learned more about my gender I havn't been sure where I belong. I've felt like it's me vs the whole world. I've felt so alienated and lonely because I don't know anyone who's transgender or gay and my age. I know a few people my age who are bi but we aren't a community, it's a bunch of separate friendships. For the first time since I came out to myself about a year and a half ago I feel completely happy and fulfilled because I belong somewhere.

Comments

whateversexual_llama's picture

I came out for the first

I came out for the first time at camp, too. And every time I go back, it's amazing, even though I'm out at home, I'm like, out-er there. Coming out at camp totally empowered me to come out at school and to my family. so... rock on! Congrats.

Oh and... "I guess harry potter and I came out at the same time." Win. That's a great sentance xD

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

rowie's picture

thats cool that you were

thats cool that you were comfortable to come out there and that your councellors could talk to you about it and everything. and welcome to your friend when he joins oasis!
well done!

--i used to be a tomboy, now im a full grown lesbian--

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**

gaynow's picture

That's awesome!!

That's awesome!! Congratulations! *hug*

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader