I wish that i could be pissed at my mother about this, but in all honesty, i'm not.
on the trip home, yesterday, out of the blue, she tells me that she doesn't think R will want anything to do with me when she gets home. she thinks that because of R's past, she's a cold hearted bitch, who has no control of her feelings, and who doesn't care about others at all.
it's all untrue. what my mom doesn't know is that R has been in love with me for three years, ever since we first met. what she doesn't know is that she's one of the most caring, most loving people i know...and i know a lot of them.
but all the same, it triggered all of my doubts, all of my fears. i spent two hours, sitting in the car, with thoughts of a breakup tumbling through my head. it was so pointless. i don't believe that she's not going to be in love with me when she gets back, but i'm terrified of it at the same time. i'm afraid that all the waiting will have been in vain, even though i know she won't do that. i hope.
i'm not mad at my mom...she's just trying to prepare me for the worst. as if i hadn't already thought of that. but...it's maddening that she's judging R based on her past, not on who she is. i just...i don't believe that if my mom actually knew R that she'd be saying these things.
not that there's really been a chance for either of my folks to get to know R. my dad's only met her twice, and that was two days after i'd asked her out, so we weren't...where we are now. my mom's seen her once after that, but that's it. they don't know her. i want them to, but they don't.
arg. i'm mad at the fear, the doubts, that are running through my head, but i'm not mad at my mom. why shoot the messenger?