Oh so unsure

zoe rose's picture

the little red marks that dot my left shin
that remind me of grass and sky and the outside
and path my skin like stars on a new moon night
they are each a chill wind, a tiny pinprick, a surface of goose flesh
that whisper of my immoral will and my need
you are my constant
inconstant enough to keep me here
constant enough to have me on edge
and oh so unsure

because i don't love you like you love me
but i need you like i wish i didn't
and it twists me to new dimensions and
i am oh so unsure

and then
it makes me seek her, who might...oh,
set me right, set me right, so others can see me wrong
(fixed, sensible, in mine, because it is one, not the other)
but their morals are not mine, and their laws aren't stone
and i defy them like any other
(yet now, without them,
i have built my own dark coffin,
trapped in darkness and suffocation
and i am oh so unsure)

* this is me again, liking my best friend, but he's a boy now, and i dont want to like him, cuz i'm not attracted to him and like, dammit.