Something more than nothing

the ghost's picture

I have been feeling weird lately.That sounds a bit vague.But I am not sure really how to describe my mood.Restless maybe.I am just bored of my life and how it is really.I think I would like to have more fun,and meet some new people.I have got into the habbit,or you could say rut of going to work,coming home and then spending hours online.If I have a day off I spend it going between playing guitar and going online.I also meet up with friends in between all that,but not as much as I would like.

I don't really enjoy hanging out with friends as much as I used to either.Again I am not sure exactly why.I think it is partly due to the fact that I just spend so much time thinking about stuff and have so much going on in my head that I don't really talk about with anyone,except on here really,that I feel distanced and isolated from them.I guess it comes back to the coming-out thing again.It is what is foremost on my mind right now.This thing that I cannot stop thinking about.Even though I have told a couple of my friends a few months ago it hasn't really helped.At first I thought they understood,I like girls,how hard is that to grasp?But now a couple of months later they are still asking me questions like "wow that guy at the party was so hot how come you weren't into him?"Maybe it is my fault,maybe I have given them mixed signals or something.I told them I like girls,but I just said I hadn't completely ruled out guys because I really didn't want to commit to a label.But I also said I really do prefere girls.

I don't know,I just feel really isolated at the moment.I need to start making some major changes in my life.I realize that.I am just not sure where I should start.Well next week I plan on sending an email to my sister to come-out to her(thanks for all the comments on my last journal about it).She is on holidays until then.I know coming-out wont instantly fix everything.But it is a step to change.

Well this post has turned out very wow is me.I hadn't really thought it through.But I needed to get it off my chest,and now I have I suppose I will go sleep.


Anneliese's picture

Sometimes you need some time

Sometimes you need some time for yourself. If I'm understanding what you're saying right, I can tell you that I feel the same way. I came out to a couple of friends a few weeks ago, and the next day I was like almost bed-ridden with depression or something... I didn't really wanna talk, didn't wanna get up and face the reality that I was out. It got easier - they needed time to accept what I was and wasn't, as did I in a way. It's still taking them time to adapt and like.. remember what I told them I guess. It'll get easier. Feel better!!

the ghost's picture


Thanks for the comment and the well wishes.Yeah it is like part of me is scared of the reality of being out,and part of me is frustrated with my friends for not really understanding.But I actually did have a good day with them today.So maybe its not all bad.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt