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I was just re-reading some of Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy, starting with the Golden Compass. I just typed Golden with an 'a' twice before I realized what was wrong with it, ahhhh!

I feel supremely bored atm, my cousin is over and a quiet yet annoying individual who literally spends hours of the day doing crosswords... it's maddening that I can feel so much distaste for her but not feel nearly as much distaste for myself when *I* completely waste time!

I'll go read some more about Lyra shortly, I sort of wish I had tighter friendlies (that means CLOSER FRIENDS for you non-Disney fanbois/fangals... or fangoils or just absolutely plain 'fans') to hang out with on the weekends. The person I most routinely went out with last year on weekends is only in one class with me this year and it seems like summer matured her and we're both on different wavelengths now for whatever reason. Alas.

In crush department, we spoke again on Friday, he gave me a sunburst no-teeth, modelesque smile and I was the only one around that he knew and we had a mini gaze-session but suddenly a part of me clicked into a mode of: Who cares about this chump who will be gone in a year that has such bad teeth that you will not forget about and who will be out of your life forever come a few months?

And I felt glad to feel that since my next period held a test for me and I trounced it with that attitude and at times wish I was more steely like that. Mmm. In this boredom state of rising glumness I don't feel any attraction for my crush, so that's not a good sign. I think I really would feel terrible about myself just having a very long term, serious love-like desire for someone and then losing that overnight...

I wrote something on my summer school crush's Facebook wall 6 days ago and he didn't respond, even though it was when I was feeling very humorous and it was a perfectly respondable comment. He got two other posts within the last 6 days or so my numerical skills tell me... and he responded to them but not me!

Someone in a class of mine was talking about 'voicemail friends' i.e. people that they allow to just 'go to voicemail' and listen to the message after just to listen to it. And I think I'm bad sometimes? Hmm. There's too many people at school I'd love to stick in a straightjacket/solitary for a day or two because they're so verbally hypocritical.

A:'I hate it when people like X just butt into your conversation, especially if it's personal!'

B to C: 'So I hear your dad is moving out, what happened?!'
A: 'Omg your DAD is moving out, that's SO sad, tell me EVERYTHING!'
C: 'I think B asked me first...'
A: 'Umm, I'm trying to be nice here; so what happened with your dad anyway?'
C: 'Well! Talktalktalk'

And person A remains in popular demand.

In family news, my mother flew away from me. Pretty much, and I'm not exaggerating, hasty note, hasty cash, weak explanation, she doesn't have affairs now and me thinks she's having a midlife crisis and/or denial about my homosexuality is hitting home for her.

I called her the other night at her hotel and told her about planning to join some extracurriculars and she about flipped on me for "committing to things that involve other people and not considering who has to DRIVE you everywhere". When I tried to reassert that I was just PLANNING to do this and I was mentioning it to find out how often she was willing to drive me (last year before I came out, she literally loved to drive me around; I'm 97% sure that it was because it made her feel better about her role as a mother and better about the fact that I had to have some friends in what I was doing after school... at school) but lalala, I can join them but she will get huffy whenever.

Oh well, I can't really blame her... I really really really just want to graduate with lovely grades, lots more knowledge and go to Montreal, Toronto or Vancouver for university; BE gay from day 1 and have a blast and not interact with my family except for holidays and be oh so happy. Please please please.