bulldyke's picture

Things with R are so crazy. I never know what to expect. Sometimes we're flirting nonstop, and it's great, and sometimes we're just hanging out and having fun, and that's great too. Sometimes it's all I can do to keep myself from kissing her, and others, I can be really close to her and not feel like I'm about to explode. And I love it all. Every moment with her, I love her more.

So, tomorrow I'm going out to the Bay Area to spend the day with my cousin. It's gonna be awesome! I'm taking the train, and I LOVE being on the train. It's like, the best thing ever. I'm moving, and I don't get motion sickness! Plus, I'm like obsessed with trains. Well, old trains, anyway. Steam engines and whatnot. Anywho. So yeah, that should be fun.

And on Monday, R is coming over after school! Yay!!! And it's gonna be every Monday!!! I'm so happy about that! I'm so happy that she wants to spend time with me, that even though her mom doesn't like me much, well, at all, she still wants to be with me. Wee!

It's so wonderfully amazing when someone actually wants to spend time with you. Like, really wants to spend time with you. And makes up excuses to draw out the minutes.

God, just the most basic texts from her make my heart race; make me smile. She could say just about anything, and it'd make me smile.

I love being able to say goodnight to her every night. I don't know why, but that's really special/important to me. And I love making her smile. I love that special smile she has just for me. The way her eyes melt my soul, a cross between "i'm imagining undressing you" and "i love you more than anything else in the world".

I've smiled more in the past week than I think I did all summer. Quite seriously. Every time I'm with her, I smile. And I'm always smiling when we part.

It used to be that every time we went our seperate ways, I'd feel this intense pang of loss, but now I know that I'll be seeing her again soon (sometimes not soon enough), and that I'll probably hear from her sooner. So I smile for hours (sometimes) after we part. I float a foot above the ground while I'm with her.

Yeah...I'm really in love with her. Part of me wishes that we could actually go out right now, but I'm so happy right now that the rest of me is just fine going as we are.