Apathy, as I think I've previously commented, happens when people wait for somebody else to save them.
Well, today, somebody else saved me. Actually, two somebody elses: two, nosy, girl somebody elses. Remember that girl that was crushing on me? Yeah. That one.
They were asking about her. As in: if I liked her, in what way, and if I'd ever *twitch* consider dating her. Hypothetically, of course.
I hypothetically said no. Hypothetically, they told me, this would reach crusher-girls ears.
It reached them with fury.
"Excuse me", she would say to me, in less than ten minutes ", can we talk?"
And her voice was actually shaking. And I felt like a heartless Grinch. She apparently liked me more than I thought.
But I'd been meaning to tell her for quite some time; it was starting to get me really, really worried. Worried then, too. So I led her off to an empty room, and talked.
"Yeah." (shaking voice, teary eyes, eep!)
I told her how I felt awful about giving her a false lead all this time; and that, however clichéd it sounded, it wasn't her, but me. Because I'm kind of...gay.
And she looked down at the floor.
Like actually gay, and I'm really sorry, it must feel awful; and....
"Okay", "Yeah", she kind of threw back her head. And I could really tell she wanted to be alone, so we walked out of the room and I let her leave.
And later she asked if we were still friends. Because we were actually friends in the first place.
And because I was on a roll, I came out to two others on MSN.