So I'm dating this girl. As of two evenings ago. I enjoyed hanging out with her when I met her at college; she's this cool playwright who is very energetic and dynamic and talks all the time, but in a good way because she has so much to say.
Rather soon after I met her, she was going to audition for this play her ex-girlfriend (who goes to our school) was running. But she decided not to, instead wandering around campus with me and crying about her ex and how much she is still in love with her and how mean her ex was to her.
A week ago, she started flirting with me very heavily. She apparently has a rather large crush on me. I was pretty tempted to flirt back, I think especially because we are such good friends and she's so interesting to hang out with. But, I mean, she was just crying to me about her ex! But then again, no halfway cute girl has ever showed interest in me. I'd never even kissed a girl!
Well, I decided I didn't care about her ex after I came back from visiting home this weekend, and we saw each other, and making out and then official relationship-ness and much proclamation ensued.
Yesterday was arbitrary cancellation of classes, so clearly much hanging out and kissing ensued. Which was pretty fun, but she seemed a bit more excited about it than I. I was mostly just having fun, but she seemed really into me. Is it just her personality? Or am I just not really crushing on her and just happy to have a kissing buddy?
Kissing is cool and all, but that night before we went to eat she started crying about how she doesn't know anyone here and how "I'm different" (from her ex?), and she's really overwhelmed. And I asked her about her ex, and she said she didn't want to love her anymore. Which, of course, is nowhere near not loving her. Over lunch she kept saying how she has these terrible mood swings, and I was just... I don't know. And she says she likes me so much, and I'm so nice to her, and she wants to date me and she wants a girlfriend.
We started a conversation about it, with a lot of "I don't know"s, and I felt like I should break up with her, because it was honestly too much angst. But she had play rehearsal and we didn't finish the conversation. I thought a lot about it and figured that made sense. She doesn't want to date casually; she gets pretty emotionally attached. I don't want to make that kind of a commitment with her in this state.
So I was going to break up with her, and I saw her at lunch today, and we figured we needed to talk so we skipped lunch to talk, and I resisted how all over me she was for at least half an hour. I told her what I was thinking, and we talked about other things, and she kissed me, and I said "I'll be an emotional wreck for you." Yeah. So we kissed a lot in the middle of campus and she went to class. So now she doesn't have to change her facebook status.
So I'm rather an idiot and feel a bit like a shitbag, because after all these shenanigans I really don't feel that attracted to her.