In Which Mouse is Incapable of Making Good Decisions and Kisses This Girl a Lot

the mouse that roared's picture

So I'm dating this girl. As of two evenings ago. I enjoyed hanging out with her when I met her at college; she's this cool playwright who is very energetic and dynamic and talks all the time, but in a good way because she has so much to say.

Rather soon after I met her, she was going to audition for this play her ex-girlfriend (who goes to our school) was running. But she decided not to, instead wandering around campus with me and crying about her ex and how much she is still in love with her and how mean her ex was to her.

A week ago, she started flirting with me very heavily. She apparently has a rather large crush on me. I was pretty tempted to flirt back, I think especially because we are such good friends and she's so interesting to hang out with. But, I mean, she was just crying to me about her ex! But then again, no halfway cute girl has ever showed interest in me. I'd never even kissed a girl!

Well, I decided I didn't care about her ex after I came back from visiting home this weekend, and we saw each other, and making out and then official relationship-ness and much proclamation ensued.

Yesterday was arbitrary cancellation of classes, so clearly much hanging out and kissing ensued. Which was pretty fun, but she seemed a bit more excited about it than I. I was mostly just having fun, but she seemed really into me. Is it just her personality? Or am I just not really crushing on her and just happy to have a kissing buddy?

Kissing is cool and all, but that night before we went to eat she started crying about how she doesn't know anyone here and how "I'm different" (from her ex?), and she's really overwhelmed. And I asked her about her ex, and she said she didn't want to love her anymore. Which, of course, is nowhere near not loving her. Over lunch she kept saying how she has these terrible mood swings, and I was just... I don't know. And she says she likes me so much, and I'm so nice to her, and she wants to date me and she wants a girlfriend.

We started a conversation about it, with a lot of "I don't know"s, and I felt like I should break up with her, because it was honestly too much angst. But she had play rehearsal and we didn't finish the conversation. I thought a lot about it and figured that made sense. She doesn't want to date casually; she gets pretty emotionally attached. I don't want to make that kind of a commitment with her in this state.

So I was going to break up with her, and I saw her at lunch today, and we figured we needed to talk so we skipped lunch to talk, and I resisted how all over me she was for at least half an hour. I told her what I was thinking, and we talked about other things, and she kissed me, and I said "I'll be an emotional wreck for you." Yeah. So we kissed a lot in the middle of campus and she went to class. So now she doesn't have to change her facebook status.

So I'm rather an idiot and feel a bit like a shitbag, because after all these shenanigans I really don't feel that attracted to her.


the mouse that roared's picture

I guess I also just like

I guess I also just like being liked. And hate to say no. And she is sweet. And she is supposed to be coming home with me over fall break in three days. And she's too busy for me to break up with her--when would I find her free time? I don't trust her to stay emotionally stable, though, and I don't know--does she really like me? Does she think we're just a cute couple? I feel awkward complimenting her.


No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day

Lol-taire's picture

Well you're her rebound girl

Well you're her rebound girl and it would be far worse if you were very much into her because she's more emotionally invested in her ex right now than she is in you. That doesn't mean she is not really into you- or even just anyone who isn't her ex- but it sounds like her ex is dominating her thoughts.

And she seems to be a in fragile state of mind and if you get dragged in as her shoulder to cry you have to ask yourself two questions 1) do you care about her enough to listen to her boring angst (because supportive as we may be even the angst of our nearest and dearest can get very tedious- it's the love that makes us listen)? and 2) will becoming her support put you into a position where you feel it would be too cruel for you to break up with her even though you really aren't that into her?

If there's no chemistry then maybe there's not enough pay off for you to deal with the angst. Only you know, because I don't know you or her. I just like giving advice. Good luck, I hope it works out.

whateversexual_llama's picture

Hm... sounds like you're

Hm... sounds like you're dating a drama girl! a\Haha but... go with what lol-taire said. She's a smartie.

Be yourself. 'Cause if you're busy being somebody else, who's gonna be you?

jeff's picture


Hard to underestimate how nice it is to feel wanted, even by the wrong people for the wrong reasons. I've made out with plenty of hot guys at bars thinking, there is no way I'm going to call the number you just typed into my phone, you're not going to call me, but if that's what we need to do to pretend, then fine...

Sounds like it's moving way too fast in any event. After this period of time, even if much of it was spent naked, I don't think it would call for Facebook status changes. Nor, if it doesn't work out, would there be a break-up. Ya'll are just dating, not a couple. Not sure why people want to jump from single to relationship so quickly. Dating is a perfectly acceptable thing in-between, which doesn't imply exclusivity initially.

It certainly ratchets up the drama, though.


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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