the ghost's picture

It has been a while since I have journalised.Partially because I have been so busy and partially because I have been having a really paranoid phase of omg what if someone ever found this journal!!I go through phases like that from time to time,but I am over it now.

Well since I came out to my cousin a few weeks back I feel so much more free.I even came out to a girl I work with.It wasn't something I planned to do really,it just kind of happened.We were chatting about loads of different stuff and she was telling me about this guy she has fancied for a while.She then asked if I had my eye on anyone and I was just honest that I like girls.It felt so good to just be myself and not lie.I asked her not to mention it to any of our work crew though.She actually has lots of gay friends,so it could be in my interest to befriend her a little more!

Telling my work friend obviously felt good, but it also highlighted to me how dishonest I am about my sexuality with the friends I am closer to.I feel guilty that I am denying them an honest and open friendship by keeping this part of me closed off from them.I know the solution to that is to tell them,but a lot of the time I still feel an overwhelming fear at the prospect.I guess it is something I will just have to keep working on dealing with.

On a completely different topic I went to a sex shop today with one of my friends.He was horrified that I have reached my age and never visited one,so we went on the way home.It was really cool,there was a lot of eh, interesting stuff.Well anyways i'm going to end it there,thats all I got to write.Laterz.


Lol-taire's picture

Hey, well done for telling

Hey, well done for telling the co-worker.
And you shouldn't feeling guilty for not telling your close friends. Unless it's helping anyone- or you- then that guilt is such a waste of emotion. Fear is enough to deal with without guilt as well. I didn't tell my oldest friend I was gay until a full year after all my other friends knew. I just couldn't.

Very.. interesting things. When we were scabby teenagers we'd poke around the fetish shops in Camden. We thought it was very funny at the time. What always gets me is that somewhere there's a production line of sewing machinists churning out crotchless PVC nurses' uniforms all day long. But then again my current group of friends can barely walk past Ann Summers without blushing.

the ghost's picture

Lmao at the production line

Lmao at the production line part of your comment.I have never spared a thought for the people that make such things.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt