she lied about her appearance over the internet now i dont know how to react

missidontgivafuc's picture

I met this girl online around 4 and a half years ago, Im in the UK shes in the US( Ill call her R). We didnt talk much for two years of that as i had University) but over the past year we have been talking much more, on the phone nearly everyday. I did and have always regarded her as a good friend, and someone i wanted eventually to see in person and maybe even try and pursue something with if we got on in person as well as we did online.

However, i recently had a phone conversation with her step mother in which her step mother mentioned how proud she was of R for getting down from a size 16 to a size 10. R had told me she was a size 2, and shown me pics otherwise, So i confronted her about it.

She admitted that pictures she had sent me were fakes, that they were actually of her best friend who she thinks is beautiful. She also told me she is not the weight she told me was. She said when we first started talking she was a Size 16, and started dieting when we started talking less to become what she is now, which is an 8 and that she had lied about being a size 2. She said she lied because she was in love with me, and wanted me to think she was attractive and so i would consider a relationship with her and feel the same way. She said she ate and ate after her mother died out of depression, and balooned to the size 16. She said that had wanted to tell me the truth for a long time, but just didnt know how.

Now im not sure what i should do with all this info. Her size is not the issue, i dont care what she looks like. Its the fact she has lied to me for several years about part of who she is.

Would you trust her again? Forgive her? I just dont know.

Disney's picture

Hmm

Well there's the cliche that "we're all fools in love" so I wouldn't begrudge her for wanting you to consider her attractive since she stated that as her reason. I honestly don't know how large of a difference there is between a size 2 and a size 10 (aside from EIGHT, I mean in terms of appearance!) but if you really don't care about size, then ask her for some real pictures of herself and let her know that if she keeps lying, you'll cut off the relationship. A.k.a. forgive her, there must be something that you've exaggerated/falsified to her in your four-year relationship too!

You're Amazing.

milee13's picture

Trust her? Forgive her? Eh,

Trust her? Forgive her?
Eh, I don't know--I feel you with the confusion.
My best advice is to talk to her about it, let her know that it's not the size thing that bothers you, but the lying, and then see if you can rebuild the trust thing?

This is a tricky situation and it would suck to lose four years of friendship over something like this--especially if it was the only thing she'd lied about and it was just based on personal insecurities.

wild-blue-yonder's picture

Oh geez...

Oh geez... I'd forgive her.

Of course, that's a very personal thing and can be hard to do. You have to decide for yourself whether you want to/are able to forgive her.

But it seems to me like she just wanted you to think of her the way she wanted to be. And the fact that she kept wanting to tell you and trying to tell you... I don't know, the way you wrote it, it sounded to me like someone trying to come out of the closet - to admit a very personal bit of information to someone and make yourself so vulnerable - I don't blame people who take their time coming out of the closet, so I'm less inclined to blame her for not telling you the way she looked. That can be a pretty personal and sensitive topic, too.

That's just me though. It's up to you...

Lol-taire's picture

A US size 16? So that's like

A US size 16? So that's like a UK size 20 right?

If she was embarrassed about her weight- especially as it was related to her mother's death and was such an emotive issue for her- then you really can't blame her for sending you photos of her friend. It's not like there was much chance of you two meeting in person when she lied to you and by the time you were close the lie had been around for so long that it was too late to tell you the truth.

When she lied to you it was only a little lie because you were basically a stranger. We tell little lies to strangers all the time. I told someone I was a Catholic the other night, I have absolutely no reason why. At least she had a reason; she just wanted you to think she was attractive. And that's understandable because at the time I'm sure she didn't feel very attractive.

Larry is your dog's picture

my advice: don't get

my advice: don't get emotionally involved with people you've never met.