Bitten by the lurve bug.

Campfire's picture

I haven't posted here for some time for no particular reason. I think when I first came to Oasis it was as a closeted 18 year old and now, here I am, more out than Jack McFarland and just turned 20 (Nov 2nd).

Despite the progress my life has made in respect to my sexuality my emancipation hasn't been all it's cracked up to be. I apologise in advance by the way as from this point on, despite my age, this is going to inevitably turn into one of those weepy teenage angst ridden journal entries about unrequited love.

And, in that short apology, I've pretty much told my story. I'll elaborate though. Something happened to me I had given up hope of ever happening - I fell for someone. Completely out of the blue. Sort of. I agreed to meet someone I knew online in London. Had such a lovely day together, both felt like we knew each other for a longer period than we actually had. Totally comfortable with each other. Completely romantic day! As usual I tried to maintain a level head, not getting too carried away, etc etc, but I just couldn't help how I felt - and I'd never felt like it before. Now, this guy doesn't live near London he lives in the midlands which is a good couple hours away by train. And we both agreed not to do the long distance relationship thing because... well it just sucks, usually. So 2 weeks later he has a boyfriend from his area. Why do I feel so shit about that? We weren't in a relationship or anything, yet I'm totally envious of this guy. It's really upset me, and I have absolutely no right to be upset!

I'm used to being an emotionless cunt, so, this is new to me. I just felt like writing something about it, to get it out of my system, I feel too much of a loser to tell anyone I know IRL.


ACCgirl's picture

Actually, it's very

Actually, it's very understandable that you're feeling envious of this guy's new boyfriend. Your love interest has done a pretty asshole thing by asserting that a long distance relationship couldn't work and then going off and doing it with someone else from your area.

That would hurt me, anyway. It would be easy to sit back, call him a prick and all sorts of choice vulgarities, resolve to forget him and drop the matter, but I'd wager that it's slightly more complicated than that. Perhaps he simply feels some sort of chemistry with this other guy that was lacking with you. If so, that's the way the chips fall, and there's nothing one can do about it. If, by contrast, it's that he was frightened by some deeper connection you two shared (the kind that he isn't ready for at this point in his life), you can take solace in the fact that he's merely a coward in love. If it's just that he's whimsical, he's not to be trusted in a relationship anyhow.

You already know all this, I'm sure. But maybe hearing it iterated by someone else will make it easier to consider, despite any pangs your heart may be feeling. I am very sorry that this happened. It's never pleasant to hear talented people who have so much to offer recount unfair events in their lives. It seems like some sort of assault on poetic justice. :-(

Campfire's picture

Thanks for the comment

Thanks for the comment ACCgirl, although you've misinterpreted the story! If he had got with someone from my area then yes, I would have gone down the call him an asshole route, and cut off communication with him without hesitation. Because that would have been an asshole-ish thing to do.

He actually got with someone from his own area, not mine. He also said things would probably be different if I lived up there, although he would say that whether that's true or not to spare my feelings. I don't think he's an asshole, or whimsical, but events just happen not to be in my favour. It just pisses me off that the only time I've felt like this has to have turned out the way it has. On the one hand it's given me some sort of hope, on the other it's left me upset with this heavy feeling I cannot shake off despite the logical and sensible side of my brain assuring me I'm being stupid!

It's probably made worse by the fact I have no money until Friday and haven't had a cigarette for 36 hours - puts me in a worse mood than usual.

"If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon."
- George Aiken

Lol-taire's picture

Yeah but you let the lid off

Yeah but you let the lid off your expectations, and it was the possibility that's been taken away that makes you feel like you've lost something. It should be illegal not to live in London anyway- there is no rest of the country except for if you want to go on holiday somewhere rainy.
Happy birthday though, and it's nice to see you on here again- even if it is because of a shitty situation.

fox333's picture

I did something like that. I

I did something like that. I had this HUGE crush on this girl but I never told her because a) she was too good for me. b) she was out i wasn't c) she didn't act interested d) she was too good for me e) it was a bad idea f) we didn't know eachother that well.
but now she is back at the same school as i am, but i think ill do my usual ignore it and avoid her routine (which isn't hard because I don't know her so well)
I know how you feel though. I had felt so stotic before and sense that i hate it. It also feels kinda creepy....

THE flying turtle