Oh boy. Boys. Why can't they all be perfect like I am? XD Well, it'd at least be nice if they could be civil and considerate like I. So this boy I've been ogling...the one with the facebook profile that says he's straight but gives off major gay vibes and flirts with me like crazy crazy...he's not being nice. He's not being nice at all. We're stuck in a facebook romance at the moment, so excuse me if this journal entry sounds very pathetic and nerdy.
On Wednesday, I wrote on his wall and told him to call me ASAP to talk about something (my feelings, obviously; I didn't call him because he never technically gave me his number and I'd feel like a cheat doing so). He deleted my comment. I don't know what he was trying to communicate there, but obviously he knew what was up. Yesterday, he changed his "looking for" field to include "a relationship." It still says that he's interested in women right above it, but I don't believe that for a second. So was he trying to communicate that he's looking for a relationship with a man or a woman? Or both? I totally flipped out. How confusing can one guy BE? I'm seriously taking into consideration the possibility that this guy is just trying to screw with my head. Because really, if he were sincere, he would have called by now. I even sent him an honest, down to earth message telling him that he's driving me nuts and I'd really appreciate it if he'd give me some kind of feedback, even if it were just "I don't know." And still nothing.
I'm entertaining thoughts that he's just playing hard to get and this is all going to work out in the end, but I'm afraid I'm much too pessimistic to embrace the concept. Playing hard to get is one thing, but ignoring me for three days after I heavily implied that I like him is quite another. We call that "being a bastard" around here. I want so badly just to shake this whole thing off and scream to whoever is listening that I'm my own damn person and I don't give a fuck about what pranks some snot-nosed punk is pulling, but I can't. I like him so much. More than any other guy I've had feelings for. All I can do is sit around and be miserable until he throws some attention my way. It all sounds so pathetic; I'm ashamed of myself. I am a lion among kittens, and I let one stupid boy convince me that I'm just a sorry lump of cat food. You know what? I'm not playing this game anymore. If he wants to be a lonely bastard, I'll let him. I've got better things to do than to sit around and mope. I'm a world-changer, a trailblazer, a raging foundation-shaker. I may not be able to control his heart, but I can control mine, and I can control much more. It just took one silly boy to make me realize this. Amen!
I'm not bipolar, I swear! XD