Is speculation sometimes better than fact?

deepspace87's picture

ok. so in my last journal, i wrote about a friend of mine who i have an INSANE crush on, like, a heartbreaking crush on, and although i knew it was pointless, i always had some feeling and wish for her to be gay, even though i always knew that it wouldnt happen.

shes always been so insanely conservitive, and everything, and i was very content with simply sitting back and watching her like guys and be happy, becaues i knew how to deal with it...

then she was talking the other day and was saying she didnt know what her opinions of gays were anymore, because its like, she had alwyas been against it because of what hte bible said, but then once she met me, she could put a real face and human emotions to it, and she really doesnt know what she feels anymore about them.

and we were talking yesterday, and she knows i like her and all, and she was saying that ive got all the traits that she would want in a guy, and shes really confused right now. she is really lost about her feelings right now. she doesnt know if im just a really good friend who has those traits, or if what shes feeling really is something.

and its like, i suddenly know this, and ive speculated it for a long time, and i guess my internal gay-dar kinda went off. but i was fine with where i was. and i was confident it was never going to happen, and i had accepted that.

but now i have this information, and its screwed EVERYTHING up... idk what to do now...
i always dreamed of the day that i would hear those words out of her, and now that ive heard them, i wish she could take them back. i was fine with where it all was. but i dont want her to like me, not truly. she has a boyfriend. and i dont want hre to have to go through everything i did finding out i was gay. i dont want her to be gay, it screwed up everything.

what do i do?

is speculation sometimes better than fact?

Comments

jeff's picture

Well...

There is also the flip side, which is that when you have a crush you use projection to make things they say into things they may not have meant.

So, you know, if she was an anti-gay religious chick, and you being gay changed her mind, it could just be calling her whole upbringing/belief system into question, and once it does, she might still be a straight chick with a better outlook on life.

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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Fiona Rosge's picture

we always

want what we cant have and then once we get it, were never sure we wanted it in the 1st place...just part of being human i supose. id say tell her, tell her it WAS what you wanted, what you thought you wanted, but now you just want her to be happy and content with who she is, and should go on being who she is. Maybe not those EXACT words but thats what i would say.