My friend Josh and I have been hanging out a lot the past couple of months and as a result I've picked up being a social smoker. I know the risks and that it will kill me but BY GOD does it make me feel better. I mean I can feel like complete shit, stressed out the eyeballs but as soon as I put the cigarette on my lips I start feeling better. Don't get me wrong, I don't support teen smoking, I'm just saying it works for me. I think the reason behind it is that we as humans have an oral fixation on some level and this just soothes it. I'm not addicted, I know you're thinking "Well not yet, but soon" but really I think that since I'm only doing it on an "as needed" basis (Around finals, after a fight with my parents, etc.) I'm not doing it often enough to get hooked.
I don't thik my parents take my convictions seriously anymore. I tried coming out to my mom awhile back and she played it off like it was a joke. She said something like "Oh so you want another guy to pound your ass, yeah right". I was really taken aback by this, she couldn't even take me seriously when I was trying to open up to her. I don't know if she doesn't believe me as much as she doesn't want to believe me. It's like when I told her that I wasn't sure that I believed in god anymore and didn't feel like church was a good use of my time. She told me she was worried for my soul and has been guilt tripping me to church with them on sunday since. Well more to the point, now she's dropping hints that my sisters dance teacher (she's like 20) has a crush on me and I think she's wanting to try to hook me up with her. I mean part of me wants to but at the same time part of me wants to try at a same sex relationship and not let my parents influence me anymore... Any suggestions?