Me,myself &I

the ghost's picture

My life is a little bit jumbled up right now.I find it difficult to keep track of myself and who I am from day to day,because right now I feel like I have multiple personalities.I guess it probably is down to the fact that I am semi in\semi out of the big ol' closet.I still haven't told my college friends and they are the ones I spend 90 per cent of my time with because we see each other five days a week, and talk on the days we don't see each other.I love them,they are great.However I freeze off this part of myself to them completely.Yet I chat openly about it with a friend that I wouldn't really consider a close friend,you know?But the thing is she is just easy to talk to about it.But it still feels weird that I let her in on this part of myself and not my other friends.

The thing is at this point I probably could tell my other friends.I have plenty of opportunities to do so and those three little words are getting easier to say.But the thing is I don't really want to.I'm not sure why,but right now I just don't want to.I don't feel like I'm going to explode if I don't do it anymore.I haven't really had anymore sleepless nights worrying about it since telling my cousin a while back.I guess right now I feel enough people know that I am comfortable with.I can talk to them about it so that pressure just doesn't build up anymore.I know eventually I will have to tell everyone,but right now I am more comfortable where I am.I think I will get to being completely out eventually.Right now i am floating in the in between.

I have also been having lots of damn i'm still not sure if I'm gay or bi thoughts.But they don't stress me out so much anymore either.I don't think it matters anymore.If I like a girl(which I do) I'll go with those feelings,and if I happen to like a guy I will just go with that.I am comfortable with that.So I don't really care if anyone else isn't.
Yes I'm a lot calmer than I used to be methinks.
Laterz oasis.

Comments

taste the rainbow's picture

woosh, that's pretty much

woosh, that's pretty much where I'm at too. Cept, I wouldn't mind if a few more people knew about the gay part of me.

I get the same thoughts as well, in terms of the whole damn, don't know whether I'm full out les or bi. But like you, it just doesn't seem like a big deal to me anymore. If I like a girl, I like a girl, and same goes with guys. Being calmer feels nice! Much better than worrying and stressing about it. Glad to hear you're doing well

msquared's picture

Thanks again...

Man, now I remember why I love being on Oasis--all your lovely comments boost my self-esteem all the time! XD

It sounds like you're developing a good 'tude about your sexuality...just do what you think is right for yourself. Whether that includes coming out to your friends or not is up to you. No rush, really.

“Never forget! The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche