Failure and Success

I bleed audio's picture

This week is the start of finals at my college and once again the stress starts, but this time I'm going to do it without going back to smoking. The last thing I need is to start up that again and end up getting hooked, so we'll see how well I fare without my "sin sticks".

I decided since I didn't have an afternoon class today that I'd go and sign up for the SAGE group at my school. When I got to college center it was a different story. I knew I was in the right place (There was a plaque on the wall with something about SAGE scribbled on it) but I was filled with fear. The room was filled with people I didn't know, joking around with each other. As I searched for who to talk to I felt like a deer in the headlights as if all eyes were on me, the weirdo who had just stumbled in. Eventually I just pulled out my cell phone, like I was waiting for someone who wasn't there, and left the room. I'm such a coward...

On my way to my car I saw my friend Nick who I hadn't gotten a chance to talk to in awhile. Nick and I have been friends since middle school and have stuck by each other through most everything, including the death of Nick's mom and our good friend Stephen. We got to talking and decided to hang out for lunch. We went out and got some chinese and headed back to his place. As we ate our meal in his room I felt the urge to just come out to him. He's been my friend for almost ten years, I kind of owe it to him in a way. He noticed I was zoning out thinking and asked me if anything was the matter. Now or never..."Nick, I think I'm gay, or at the very least bisexual", I told him "I'm sorry I never told you sooner but I just didn't want to mess up our friendship, you know..."

"What? Mess our friendship up how?" he asked, "Do you like have a crush on me or something?"

"No" I answered (Half true, I used to have a BIG crush on him) "I just didn't want you to feel ackward around me"

He told me he'd always be my friend and to him I was still just the same Jon, his best friend. I'm so glad he took it so well, I guess it just gets easier the more you talk to people.