Stranger in my Life (Short Story)

Uncertain's picture

I'm really bored! So I wrote this story (not really fond of poems right now).

Kind of inspired by my ex but this story doesn't have any gay themes (hey, not everything we write have to be about gay people.. no?).

Mmm, I hope you guys enjoy! Oh btw, I apologise for the obvious rip off of Mary Doria Russell's style... but I'm sure she won't mind =]

Feedback is greatly appreciated!

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Stranger in my Life
29-11-07

This is what everyone would remember about the father: his appearance was immaculate. Regardless of where he was he would make sure every single inch of his body was an art pursued with the highest grade of religious zeal. In Justin’s mind, there was no gray shading between pure and dirty, right and wrong.

Yet one night he had sinned, made pregnant a young girl. Her face was drenched with tears when the news of the baby struck. ‘I’m pregnant’ she said. Jessica was sixteen. Justin was merely a year older.

He held on to her hand tightly, between them intertwined with unspoken words. He could leave her. He could walk away like this never happened. Or maybe he could cry with her and pretend it would be alright – when it wouldn’t be. But only the most dumbfounded thing of all escaped his mouth. ‘How’d it happen?’

‘You know how it happened. You were there Justin.’ She tightened her fingers slightly, applying a gentle pressure to his hand, echoed by his warm, beating pulse.

‘Right. I was’ Justin replied with a comment just as oblivious as the first. But he could make things right. They were standing under the shelter of an old drooping tree, one that had witnessed the tolls of time having bloomed and wilted with every joy and tragedy. He wrapped his other arm around her waist. She let him. ‘We’ll get through this. We always had. It’s going to be okay babe.’

For the swiftest of moments she believed him. For a moment she was not bearing a baby but instead was baptized and washed clean by his words. But then realization hit hard. ‘My parents are going to kill me,’ she cringed and tears trickled down her fragile face again. ‘I’m not going to abort the baby. Never. Ever.’ She leaned against his shoulder. He patted her head. Right now she was so brittle that another slightest spur of pain would shatter her like a glass splintering into a billion pieces. Right now, in a time and place she had never been before, she needed him the most to wade through it all.

And it seemed like as if he could read her mind.

‘I’ll never leave you, I promise’ and with that he kissed her gently on her neck, then her ears, lips. His hair smelled like some kind of flower, an aroma that would linger on her. The kiss was soft, light, not too heavy, like they would do it again and again for the rest of their lives. ‘I promise.’

‘And I don't care what anyone has to say about it. I love you.’ With that they held each other tightly. Yet he was so scared about the baby. He would be a bastard’s father and frightened this unpleasant gossip would become public. And a little bit, maybe just a little bit, he was a little obsessed that her tears might soak up his shirt and dilute his scented smell.

His solution was to simplify. He sought after and tried to seize the source of this entire problem. He would pull it from its roots and make things right again. He could not change what he did, but he could change how the world saw it. No longer would he be filth, because no one else could tell him how he felt about himself. Everything would be explained, not with excuses. She didn’t think so?

He still held on to her tightly like nothing could go wrong. He liked overdosing himself with cologne. He liked whispering into her ear and knowing the right words to say. He knew the right places to touch. Were these thoughts and habits of his noteworthy, perhaps random, or merely interesting? Here’s another, it was a shame Justin never got the chance to know you were a girl.

-- Uncertain

Comments

Fiona Rosge's picture

its really great

ok i love it, i think that your writing is great and author worthy,i wish to be an author and am writing a couple of books and yet i cant write like you can. i loved the story except it seemed unfinished, there was a lot missing at the end, and also what is the last line about, whats it mean? i also would change the title,because then your leaving nothing to surprise but you will need a title that is catching, the 1st thing people see when they go to read a book is the title and and the cover (corse the cover is not an issue to you because this is not going to be published as a novel, and besides authors have very little if any choice on what goes on the cover of there book, how bad does that suck?)so a more colorful and creative title would be better. thats the worse part about writing a book to me is the title so i cant help you there, but i think its really good and good luck.you should think about entering it into the 5,000 writing contest.

Uncertain's picture

Thanks!

Oh, I know my story requires a lot of inferences (bleh, because everyone says that)... basically it's the mother tellin the story to the child (which is now born and a girl). And then you realise the father (Justin) had left - despite all the things he knows to say and do.

Something along those lines... and the obsessive cleaniness at the start is supposed to be some kind of symbolism. Like physically self-centred and self-conscious.. but then you realise he's also mentally self-absorbed as well.

As for the writing competition.. hmm lol I'll think consider it! What's the competition's details anyway?

Titles smell. I hate them! I can never think of a good one =(

fox333's picture

Are you a Dante or a Dorian?

Are you a Dante or a Dorian?

fox333's picture

what I MEANT to say was good

what I MEANT to say was good story.... but it got messed up and posted my signature thingy.... sorry about that.

Uncertain's picture

hey! thanks hehe.. and lol

hey! thanks hehe.. and lol it's okay. Yeah at first I was like aye Dante.. Dorian.. is that a trick question? xD

Fiona Rosge's picture

ok it clicked now

ok i read it again and now i get it and understand where ur coming from but if u hadnt had said that i would have never caught on, so maybe u could make that alittle more clear in the story as well. Maybe(just a thought) of doing it like how u said the father,like "yet everyone did remember the mother, who still cared for her baby, who she had not abandond for she was unchanged even thru the years"
JUST A SUGGESTION i swear im not like trying to steal ur work or whatever thought maybe going thru ur head. u can use that and change it as u wish if u want

also i dont get the 2nd to last paragraph,whats it talking about?

Uncertain's picture

Yeah I think maybe I should

Yeah I think maybe I should add that. Hmm thanks for the suggestion I'll see how to put it in and make it flow kind of... but I think it 'tells the read' and I don't really like telling lol. I like inferences but sometimes it's too much and only I get it =\

Hehe. Of course I don't think you're stealing my work! Otherwise you better watch your back mister, 'cause I'm goin to find out where you live.

5thstory's picture

Kudos. I adored the ending

Kudos. I adored the ending although it was a little foreshadowed by the title. I also liked that it is very extremely sensuous... I just noticed this was wrote like a long time ago, so I'm sorry if the comment if ill-timed.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens