the sum of the week

electricity's picture

I feel overwhelmed. I have a lot to say and only so much room to say everything I want.

I'll start with the adorable girl who is far too young for me. I've seen her a few times. Once at the first show I played: she walked in when we were just setting up, about two hours before the show was to actually start. I smiled at her kindly when she sat down across the room to listen. I thought she was quite cute, saw her later, and tried to show C, but the girl disappeared. Second I saw her at the college: she was walking with a boy and she smiled at me, and I returned. I couldn't believe I once again saw her. Third, I see her at my second show, again with the boy. This time, we make eyes quite a bit. I'd look at her, she'd be looking at me, etc.

So I talked to her. I told her that I see her everywhere, and asked what band she was there for. The particular band was playing the next weekend with a friend of mine, so I said "I bet I'll see you there, too." Sure enough, she was going.

The next day she found me on myspace and sent me a message saying she'd like to get to know me. Now, this girl is hella cute. So cute. And I was excited she posed interest. However, her myspace said her age was 14. I questioned it and she said she was actually 13. YIKES. That's a four year difference.

That same weekend I had broken up with C. This past week has been hell. A big jumble of not having a chance to think about anything. C and I are back together. But it's hard. I don't know how I feel on anything. I know that I missed her and I'm far happier as her girlfriend, but how do I actually feel about her? If I felt like I was just a best friend, where'd that feeling go? Why'd I have it in the first place? And my mom brought up the point that, if that girl wasn't 13 would I still be wanting C back? I'd totally be intersted in that girl if it wasn't for her age. Despite C. So what the hell?

I'm so thrown askew by everything I just need time off. From everything. But I can't get it.

If you have a word of advice, my ears are open.

Comments

Leisa's picture

The blurry line between best

The blurry line between best friend and lover is never easy to navigate. Don't be too hard on yourself, you're human and attraction to another is inevitable. This attraction, however, does not invalidate your feelings for C.

Fiona Rosge's picture

well

Well what sucks is that it seems that age difference seems to only matter when were in school, i mean when your like 25 and shes 21, it doesnt seem like THAT big of difference but for some reason its a whole nother thing when its 13 and 17. But still i mean if you feel nothing for C besides friendship you should tell her. But the ? that im wondering is..with this new cute girl, the guy shes been with do you think that could be her boyfriend?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
would she, could she been thinking of me?
all along
and if thats true, would she tell me the truth?
Cause its a long way down when your hopes are high as mountains
and i am worried that im falling for

electricity's picture

Oh shit, I forget to explain

Oh shit, I forget to explain him. It's the brother. A few of my friends actually know him. Small world. But no, not the boyfriend.