Things you wanted to say out loud today...

apuffalogic's picture

...but didn't, in the interests of preserving your job, the respect of your elders, the illusion of your sanity, your teeth, etc.

For example:
"Like, OMG, there's snow? In December? In CANADA!!! NO. WAY. I bet it's COLD, too! PLEASE point that out again; I so love it when you talk about the obvious. Repeatedly. *Slap upside the head*."

Fiona Rosge's picture

LIKE THIS???

"I'm not depressed actually im happy as hell cuz u no what???I found someone!!!!!So everyone get the hell off my case and leave me the freek alone!!!!!!!!if it was my choice id be living in Frisco right now so go away! i dont wanna deal with ur shit!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
would she, could she been thinking of me? all along
and if thats true, would she tell me the truth?
Cause its a long way down when your hopes are high as mountains
and i am worried that im falling for u

underage_thinker's picture

:D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I find you quite amusing, and I’m sure you love me too, But sadly I am Lesbian, Though I’ll pretend for you
-M.A.A.

Fox's picture

"damn, you look fine in

"damn, you look fine in those jeans."

thoughtgoddess's picture

"No. No. No. Your code is

"No. No. No. Your code is wrong. You're fucking up my code; you're not listening to me; you're the teacher, you should know how to do basic math; oh my God *no*; *stop* *editing* *my* *code*."

and

"No, the boy will never go out with you. He's rejected you. Please to be getting over him and on to the part where you date me. Now."

milee13's picture

"Love me?" "You really

"Love me?"
"You really didn't need to tell me that...yeah, now I'm actually more stressed out, not less...."

cynical1inthecorner's picture

Um, no, I don't think two

Um, no, I don't think two girls having a relationship is weird. 'Cause, you know, I'm queer and all.

theotherside's picture

Hey! Look! Right there,

Hey! Look! Right there, under your nose, between your face and mine. It's the obvious! Why don't we just state it so it can be put to rest rather than just hanging there. Because it's kind of getting in the way where it is now.

Why yes, I do find that girl highly attractive.

Please shut up! It's wonderful that you feel sorry for fictional characters that Shakespere created, but some of us want to finish the play in class.

Lol-taire's picture

I just seeth with rage

"Get some manners! Get some manners! Get some manners you useless turd. Didn't you have a mother!"

What I said was, "oh sorry sir, I didn't see you waiting".

Because I didn't. Because he chose to stand behind a pillar. Where I can't see him. And the bar was improbably busy for a Wednesday and I was dashing about trying to serve people as quickly as I could.
What he did was wait quietly, not even trying to get my attention (by maybe not standing behind a pillar chatting to someone who was already drinking so it looked like he'd already been served) and then explode with really stupid middle aged repressed suburban rage. Idiot.

Or maybe,

"shut up you useless alchy, don't you have a home?"

Or to my new co-worker:

"You don't know me, what you think is cheeky charm is actually very annoying and you are, by your own admission, at work stoned. You don't tell me what to do, you 12 year old; I tell you what to do. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. The manager said I was in charge and he told me to watch you don't steal anything because you're crap and I'm not. I'm the king. I'm the king. Fuck off"

Or

"I hate you Mr Ugly Boyfriend. Your beautiful girlfriend is too beautiful for you and she makes me feel a bit faint and want to cry"

Or

"Of course I'll give you a job Iranian womens' studies PhD student, with the lovely face. I'll even marry you, you lovely thing."

Because what I said was "I'm sorry the manager is out at the moment, but I'll make sure he gets your CV"

I bleed audio's picture

Today in the life of Jon

To the dumbass new girl at work...

"Who do you think you are, telling me how to do my job? I've been here two years and you've been here what...two weeks?"

"Wow I'm surprised you could hear me with your head that far up the boss' ass"

"I'm sorry can you repeat that again in english? I'm afraid I don't speak bitch"

To my child psychology professor...

"Yes you're right, I know you think I'm gay. Thats why every time you in your presentation when you say something about homosexuality you look my way. Its not like I don't notice it, how you don't look my way the entire class but whenever that topic comes up on a powerpoint you look my way and give me a knowing smile. Jesus!"

-----------------------------------
Despite all the things you may have learned, if you play with fire then you're bound to get burned

Riku's picture

Who in their right mind

Who in their right mind would give YOU a solo?

Ricky-chan72's picture

umm, yeah:

To this kid in my Chinese class...
"I'm really getting tired of you and your stupid little mispronunciation of words. You're not funny, you never will be funny, you never were funny. So shut the hell up, you dumb little prick."
In Chinese, the word for France is "Faguo". As you can probably guess, my class gets a kick out of this word, and this 1 kid always stresses the 'g' when he says it...dumb a-hole...

To this guy I know...
"Oh lord...you're freaking hot. And you sang so well last night at the concert! And you looked so adorable in that outfit. *dies*"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's moon cake time!"--Ms. Huang

apuffalogic's picture

WELL:

"Oh my God. Shut. Up. *Smack*"

"What the hell are you talking about, girl?! He was friggin' GORGEOUS. What are you, blind?"

*Shakes computer monitor and bawls* "Why must you do this to me, computer?, (*sniff*). What I ever done to yo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooooo....(that's me degenerating into tortured-sounding wails)"

"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

kaj's picture

I finally have one!

"Quit flattering yourself. I don't, nor will I ever, think you are attractive. Why? Because you're a total bitch who lives off the misery of others."

and

"Thanks a lot. The next time I need someone to insult my ears, you'll be the first guy I call." He said my ears were big, which they're not. They're just pointy

jomari_15's picture

A big day!!!

' you have to understand that his my best friend and i love you so i cant stop talking to him or you better control your jeoulesy and i need time for myself you put me in sush a preture GOD i do love you and i hate when you say that your giving up stuff for this you shud give up things for love not because of me and i fucking love you and i think that you dont understan..."

"Please let me be happy i let you be happy for one's and i help you dont you hurt me try to be there for me and i'm going to be there till i die i love you your my shadow i whant you ti understand that i need to know whats love for ones in my life and nomater the person she cud be a slut but still i have to lern i whant to love let me love for a waild i love you."

TheInsideLlama's picture

Ummm today again I wanted to

Ummm today again I wanted to scream "Why haven't I gotten a job after 5 bajillion applications and stfu about getting paid"

Icarus's picture

"Holy crap, you just got me

"Holy crap, you just got me turned on. WTF????"

These gots peanuts and soap in 'um!

5thstory's picture

"Guess what! I got invited

"Guess what! I got invited to the bal masqué!!!!! and you didn't! Isn't life gr-eat?!

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

I bleed audio's picture

"Guess what? I DON'T CARE!!!

"Guess what? I DON'T CARE!!! I't doesn't FUCKING MATTER!!!"
(after I'd had the same little kid tattle to me twenty times about nonsensical things)

-----------------------------------
Despite all the things you may have learned, if you play with fire then you're bound to get burned

1stTeeka's picture

lol

'yeah sure I would LOVE to come in when i'm NOT working and help!" i might though cause i could use the money

"Oh yes, rainbow hat kid is REALLY creative, I've never heard better!" i have though, from my bff and others, rainbow bright and skittles are the top two XD

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

underage_thinker's picture

Leave me the fuck alone. You

Leave me the fuck alone. You caused me so much stress and pain and.... everything else that goes along with stress and pain....
And you know what?
Don't try to hit on me now, 'cause I don't give a flying rat's fart about you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I find you quite amusing, and I’m sure you love me too, But sadly I am Lesbian, Though I’ll pretend for you
-M.A.A.

jomari_15's picture

again!

"""Ohh fuck i wanted to do more things to you yesterday but it was hard i know i got you wett and you got me wett, i love you... i want to lick everything of yours"""""

"""Are you mad??? cuz you have to understand that i cant leave her alone i have to pay atention to her sorry i know your my bff and her bro but she's my GF and i have to give her atention and you knoe she is a jealous freak... but i still love you and i dont whant you mad"""

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

apuffalogic's picture

YAAY for clever computer tricks!

See these lines in the Terminal, dad??? They're the commands I created that'll switch on and off access to Oasis! Try to spy on me now, you sucker!!! BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

"Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative"

Icarus's picture

"My, you have gorgeous eyes.

"My, you have gorgeous eyes. Too bad you're almost forty years older than I am....."

"GAH! Where did you all SPAWN FROM?!?!" (referring to the gobs of band kids in the lunch room today)

"Your lack of sympathy toward my injury is surprising...." (He made up for it in the end though)

These gots peanuts and soap in 'um!

Ricky-chan72's picture

"Gahh...why must you draw so

"Gahh...why must you draw so much better than I can? AND WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE UGH?!?!?!" (to this sophomore in my art 1 class)

"Ahh Huang-laoshi. I love you. You're so oblivious~" (to my Chinese teacher)

~~~~~~
"It's moon cake time!"

my three wheeler rox's picture

...

"Yes, I am staring at her ass. Yes, I realize she is 10 years older than me. STFU and lemme alone."

"Touch me again and I shall be ripping yer head off and shoving it down your scrawny, old, wrinkly neck. Thank you"

"Well maybe country music hates you, did you ever think of that?"

“I. Hate. You.”

“No, we can’t find the answers in the book and none of us know it. Be a f*^&ing teacher and teach us!”

Don't apologize for calling me Sir

Don't point your f*%^ing finger at crazy people!

5thstory's picture

"Stop. Don't say anything

"Stop. Don't say anything else, just... don't. Don't."

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

CapitalSlash's picture

DID I EVER MEAN ANYTHING TO

DID I EVER MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?! DO YOU THINK YOURE GONNA FUCKING FIND THE THINGS YOU WERE LOOKING FOR IN HER?! :slap:

I bleed audio's picture

Pissing miracles and shiting sunshine

"Where the fuck is everybody?!" (When all my coworkers left me alone with 35+ screaming kids)

"If you ask me another obvious craft question, your pathetic ornament is going in the trash" (To every kindergarten student that would ask me "How do you glue this?")

"Yes i'm just doing awesome, I piss miracles and shit sunshine!" (When my boss halfheartedly asked me if I was feeling alright)

-----------------------------------
Despite all the things you may have learned, if you play with fire then you're bound to get burned

gaynow's picture

"Hey. You know you're

"Hey. You know you're ridiculously hot, right?"

"Holy fuck you're off-key."

"AAAA ALTOS FUCKING STAY ON KEY PLEASE!!!"
"AAAA BASSES FUCKING STAY ON KEY PLEASE!!!"
etc.

"You're incredibly annoying, you're not suave at all, no one likes you, stop hitting on and feeling up my friend who happens to be two years younger than you, doesn't like you, and can't tell people "no" herself."

"Stop bopping, goddamnit."
"Stop swaying, goddamnit."
"Stop fidgeting, goddamnit."
"If you're going to bop/sway/fidget, could you at least do it IN TIME?"

"Yeah, I'm capable of hate. I'm capable of hating you. Get out of my life."

"Well, who was this girlfriend you had? ...Have you been flirting with me? Do you like me? ...Wanna go out?"

"Aah! What the fuck kind of key is this? Your tenors are all female, we can't all hit that frickin' note! And why did you take all the best people out of every section to sing on their own and leave the rest of us to suck?"

It's not exactly something I wanted to say, but does it count for the purposes of this thread that several times (mostly during chorus and several times addressed to the guy of #4 and 5) I wanted to turn around and hit people.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

Ricky-chan72's picture

"Seriously, would you at

"Seriously, would you at least use at least 1 of the few brain cells you still have left over from smoking pot to think about things before you ask a question?!?! If he didn't give us that piece of information, WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THE FUCKING PROBLEM IN THE FIRST PLACE, and the 20+ problems on the test would be USELESS." (to some dumb kid who asks stupid questions)

"Honestly, I don't mind helping you, really I don't, I hope you pass this test, really...but... if you paid attention at least once, you would know this crap. It isn't mind-blowing. It's not rocket science. A 5th grader can do this. You're 16. What the hell. All you do is put little arrows on the little lines. Ohh, sorry, forgot, you're a pothead. :D" (to a kid who can't do mind-numbingly simple electron orbital diagrams)

"Goddamnit, why do the cute ones always bend over in front of me?! This is some sort of cruel, karmic joke, isn't it?" (after this kid I tutor bent over in front of me and I kept looking at his ass)

"..........Are you serious, lady? This is a crapload of-- What the hell?! Why do you have 'G's filed in with the 'M's?! NO! YOU DON'T DO THAT! AHHHHHHHHHHHH *OCD kicks in*" (I was asked to help one of the HR people file today, and her files were all fucked up.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's moon cake time!"

Icarus's picture

"You fucking retard, do you

"You fucking retard, do you really expect us to actually watch the movie?"

"Goddammit, why can't pretty seniors be here? Now I have no one to stare at!"

"I only have ONE good hand, GODDAMMIT!" (I actually did say this....sans the goddammit.)

"Would you fucking stop being attractive?"

These gots peanuts and soap in 'um!

Ricky-chan72's picture

"Would you sit the hell down

"Would you sit the hell down so Dr. Thomas will shut up and we can take this stupid test?" (to same child who can't do orbital diagrams)

"Damn you're cute. I just want you to know you're one of the most attractive guys I've ever seen...I just wanna hold you, kiss you, make you mine...but you're straight and taken of course." (to this sophomore in my art class that I like)

underage_thinker's picture

No, I don't want to study

No, I don't want to study for my fucking finals. No, I don't care if I fail. And leave me in peace so I can write music.

And...

Ooops.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I find you quite amusing, and I’m sure you love me too, But sadly I am Lesbian, Though I’ll pretend for you
-M.A.A.

underage_thinker's picture

"You're not as straight as

"You're not as straight as you say you are....."

and

"You're not as gay as you say you are...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I find you quite amusing, and I’m sure you love me too, But sadly I am Lesbian, Though I’ll pretend for you
-M.A.A.

ReinbowGrl's picture

Umm...I really miss

Umm...I really miss you

and

I love you...

and

WTF do you call me on my cell phone when you know I'm sitting here at HOME (where there is a perfectly good phone.)..in my jammies eating cool whip because I'm sick as a dog!!!

- - -
Pronouns make it hard to keep our sexual orientation a secret when our co-workers ask about your weekend.
- I had a GREAT time with...them.
Yay, now they don't think you're queer, just a slut!

Icarus's picture

"Why in the hell would i

"Why in the hell would i want you to come see me? Who thinks that?!?"

These gots peanuts and soap in 'um!

-Ruby-'s picture

*teehee* ;-)

Mike, u know I think that u and your girlfriend are both hot... I think we should all have a threesome together... she'll like it, trust me!

my three wheeler rox's picture

...

I have more!

"What part of Don't Touch Me do you not understand?"

"Dude, if you only understood what you're talking about, I might not hate you."

To my sewing teacher:
"i wouldn't be taking my project home if you actually knew what you were talking about"

If you don't get your nasty paws out of my face I am going to break every single one of you fingers, beaver boy"

"K, I love you. Why can't you see that?"

Don't apologize for calling me Sir

Don't point your f*%^ing finger at crazy people!

fatefellshort's picture

haha

"no i dont want you to sit with me in this bus seat because you smell like cigarette smoke and i dont want to"

"if you say oookayy? one more time im going to commit suicide."

"i feel like you are breaking up with me and we arent even dating."

"come home with me. do me. ASAP."

"i dont care that its your birthday because you are an asshole to me."

"you dont love me at all. i like girls; stop teasing me."

"go away so i can check this magazine for hot porn."

"DONT LOOK AT ME! goshh"

yeah haha

Icarus's picture

"Could you please, for once

"Could you please, for once in your life just listen to me and SHUT THE FUCK UP?!?!"

These gots peanuts and soap in 'um!

CapitalSlash's picture

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE JUST

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE JUST COME GET YOUR GOD DAMN PRESENT!

and

I liked it.

truth_or_consequence's picture

...

""You are a cocktease. A goddamn cocktease. And I don't even HAVE a cock! So please just get the hell out of my life so I can get over you. Kaythanks."

And:

"Shut up. Just shut up and leave me alone, how can you even think of trying to act like a real parent NOW?! So shut up you stupid, hypocritical alcoholic bitch!"

And shortly after that (I have mother issues -_-):

"YOU CAN'T EVEN STAY SOBER FOR A WEEK! ONE F*CKING WEEK! DON'T YOU F*CKING LECTURE ME ABOUT MY FAULTS WHEN YOU CAN'T STOP DRINKING FOR A WEEK!"

whateversexual_llama's picture

I love you. Be yourself.

I love you.

Be yourself. 'Cause if you're busy being somebody else, who's gonna be you?

I bleed audio's picture

Oh by the way...

(Cleaning my car with my dad)
" Oh by the way, I'm gay"

(To the amazingly cute guy at hot topic that shares a blue mohawk)
"Hi I'm jon, mind if I madly grope you?"

-----------------------------------
Despite all the things you may have learned, if you play with fire then you're bound to get burned

WantsOut's picture

What the heck do ya mean

What the heck do ya mean "eating communion bread after the service is over can be offensive?" would it be better to throw away the body of christ???

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bang Bang Maxwell's silver hammer came down on her head, Bang bang Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead.

gaynow's picture

Wait, why do you like him?

Wait, why do you like him? You should like me, goddamnit!

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

ReinbowGrl's picture

"If you don't hold still I

"If you don't hold still I will NEVER kiss you. And we both know you want me to."

"I hate you, get over me!"

- - -
Pronouns make it hard to keep our sexual orientation a secret when our co-workers ask about your weekend.
- I had a GREAT time with...them.
Yay, now they don't think you're queer, just a slut!

I bleed audio's picture

pushing my limits

When a coworker went off alone for a long time to find a teaching resource leaving me with all the kids...

"I swear to god if you leave me alone again with 30 kids I will slash your tires"

"You spent 45 minutes finding a magazine!?"

-----------------------------------
Despite all the things you may have learned, if you play with fire then you're bound to get burned

gaynow's picture

"Holy shit, you're hot in

"Holy shit, you're hot in drag."

"Have you lost your fucking mind? Why are we singing pop Shakespeare songs in chorus??" (this to my chorus director, of course....... strange, strange songs.)

"Could you at least give me a little congratulations?"

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

theonechickcagelle's picture

this was yesterday, really,

this was yesterday, really, upon seeing my ex-girlfriend flirting with the guy she used to like, "yeah, that's right, you go crawling back to him. how dare you." which totally didn't make sense to me.

"It's like Dillinger once told me, 'It's always darkest just before they turn on the lights!'"