I've been having some weird dreams lately...like for the past 2 nights, I've been dreaming about this guy who I'm kind of friends with (and who I had a huge crush on during freshman year), we'll call him K. And the night before last, I dreamed about this freshman buddy I have, we'll call him A.
So Saturday night I had this dream that I was in a store with a bunch of friends, and we're walking around, A is with us. Apparently I just told my friends that I'm gay, 'cause we're all talking about it, but in a good way. A doesn't believe me, not without proof, he says, so he tells me I have to kiss him (wtf?) to prove I'm gay. So I do, and he smiles at me and just brushes it off. Then I woke up.
Fast forward to several minutes later, and I'm asleep again. I'm in a church, and everyone from my 8th grade class is here, apparently I'm dreaming about the day of our May procession mass (it's when those crazy catholics carry around a statue of the virgin Mary around and give it flowers). So we go through the Mass and stuff, and I notice that K is there, so I keep trying to talk to him, but I get lost in the crowd. I wake up.
Now for last night...this dream left me really confused, 'cause I haven't really thought about K in a romantic sense since the beginning of my sophomore year. In this dream, I'm at home, cooking apparently. I hear a knock, and I look out the window to see who it is, and lo and behold, it's K. And I get all nervous, and I'm like, "Ohhhh...shit." So I go and open the door, and for no reason whatsoever, I start acting drunk, and I throw my arms around him and I go 'Hiiiiiiiii~!', in that drunken sorta way. And he laughs and asks me if I'm ok, and I say I'm fine. I throw off the drunken act, and ask him to sit down. Instead of sitting on the couch, he sits on the stairs going up to the 2nd floor of my house (again, wtf?). And I ask him why he's sitting there, and he's like, I dunno, so I go and sit next to him. Then I wrap my arms around him again, and rub my head against his head, and he holds me, and we kiss. And, of course, I wake up.
I hate my dreams...they remind me of things that can't be...Fuck, now I want him again. I thought I was over K after sophomore year started, because he started acting kinda weird around me, like he kept saying how much he hated gay people, but only when I was around. But now this year he's fine around me. He freaked me out a little the other day when he asked me if he could be my roommate on the senior trip to Europe next summer, like he was really eager about it, and I was like, 'Ok...sure', and of course I had bad (in a good way :D) thoughts the rest of the day.
I'm trying to use my time off wisely. I'm gonna try and clean out my closet (the physical one, in my room, not the mental one) and get rid of some unnecessary crap, I'm gonna back up all the photos I took this year and organize them on my harddrive, gonna try and work on a painting or two, and catch up on all the reading I've been meaning to do.
In other things, I've become interested in Wicca & witchcraft lately. Not really sure why, but it's really drawing me in. There's lots of things I like about it, especially the emphasis on a naturalistic and eco-friendly lifestyle. I wanna do more research before I make any decisions, but there may be a chance of conversion in the future. :D
So that's my life at the moment.
Merry Christmas Eve :)