My girlfriend is straight. I'm her experiment. And I knew that when we started going out, she said that she liked me and that she'd considered dating girls. So by my definition I'm her experiment, and that bothers me. I thought I could work through that, but I'm having a really hard time with it. Only a few of my friends (and my parents) know that we're dating, as well as one friend of hers. And her sister. That's it. I thought that wouldn't bother me either, but it used to be her just not telling people. We were totally secretive about our relationship. Then she changed her relationship status on her Facebook to "In a Relationship." So naturally, all of her friends questioned her about this, and she told them she was in a relationship with a guy named Mike who goes to a different school. That has bothered me from the get-go.
This whole relationship is just one big lie. To everyone. I am out of the closet-- there are still people who don't know that I'm gay, but I don't hide that I am. If someone was to ask me if I was gay, I would say yes. It's not an issue for me. It is for her. It's a huge issue. I want to be able to tell people honestly that I am dating someone and who I am dating. I don't want to ask my girlfriend's permission before I tell someone.
I don't want to force her out of the closet though. Especially since she is, by her definition, straight. She likes dudes. I am her experiment. And even if she was considering coming out, I wouldn't push it. That takes time.
I don't know what to do. Every time we're together, we have a blast. She's so fun, and funny, and just a really amazing person. But I tell her I love her and it feels like my words are totally empty. I almost avoid kissing her sometimes (but that might be because it feels like she's eating my face when she does kiss me). I have to be careful with how much affection I show her.
I think I want to break up with her, but I just don't know. I really don't know.