Horrible

missundastood's picture

Its horrible,horrible,horrible.
yes,im back.i was back 1 week b4.
its me n S.i duno what she wants from life.she acts like MY MASTER and im like this little puppet of hers. i always took it cuz she is first my bestfrnd. but now its getting TOO much.its like SHE controls my emotions,my feelings, my sexuality. sometimes she is *ooo im so into u* kinda thng and the other times she is *eeww bisexuality!yuck!* kinda thng.accordingly,she makes me function too! she will decide WHEN we have to kiss.she will decide WHEN to STOP da kiss.she doesnt even stop it..she just braks away as if we are doing somethng rong!
day before yesterday,i visited her place and i was wanting to be close to her but NOOOO...!!she put on her *im so bloody bitchy* act and flauted arnd me as if saying "look what you cant have!"
and this behaviour started only AFTER i spoke to my ex bf on the fone.so what if i spoke to him?unlike HER,i believe in maintaining healthy relationship with most of my ex's atleast. and if it did bother her so much,cudnt she TELL ME ABOUT IT??!! why da fuck did she channelise it into somethng like dat??!!
ive had it.dats it.she CANNOT do this to me.im not some kinda doll she uses whenever she wants to satisfy herself! i have my OWN right to feeling what i feel!
u know what irritates me the most?
that SHE was in the 1st place,who suggested hooking up.then now why the fuck is she behaving like this??!!if she doesnt wana continue,she can just TELL ME. instead me mentally bogging me down like this and EMOTIONALLY ABUSING me!!!
she even apologised that night when i was waiting for a cab.suddenly the *u noe u want me* act of hers returned and she was batting her eyelashes in front of me.
this time,it dint work.
cuz my mind was FILLED with so many thoughts and my heart was crushed into millions pieces.
dats when i realised, she made crushed me.she had ruined my self confidence, she made me feel so undesired! i hated her for doing this to me,i hated myself for feeling this way! she mite think being such a TEASE is fun,but this shit of hers can work with her BOYFRIENDS.its so not gonna work with me.no ways.even after ALL this,i still dont understnad WHY boys lov bitches so much. cuz if i was her boyfrnd, i would KILL S by now. she is nothing but a snobbish,selfish and greedy bitch. evrythng must work the way she wants it otherwise ur dead.
well,i dun care. when she apologised,with that eyelashes of hers, i looked straight ahead and caught a cab and went away.
she had possessed me.she had turned me into sumthng i know im not.
its not healthy and trust me,im still recovering. its hard but i HAVTA GET OVER HER.i cant let her RULE over me like this. shez not even talking to me properly. she hasnt called me but on Facebook, she wrote on my wall in this distant,hostile manner. she even shifted my spot from number one to number two on her Top Friends(she put her boyfriend on the 1st spot). shez still number one for me. cuz i CARE about my underlying friendship with her.i wud still want to be her best friend(although i noe its gonna be waayyy too hard and it mite not even be possible!) but i duno what her views are on this issue.
anyway, in her caused depression,in an appempt to go numb,i self harm myself. i dint wana do it. i dint want her to be the reason behind MY MISERY. i dun wana let her noe that she hurts and affects me so bad. and i myself dunt wana face that fact. not when i would me making cuts across my hand and she would just be dry humping with her stupid little boyfriend.hmph. yes,im so bitter. but now im just gonna accpet things the way it comes and just be prepared.
im just not gonna let her take me for a ride.