renewed: corrupted wish

Adam A's picture

IN MEMORY OF THE LOVELY IMUNALIA.

forum game!

example:
person one: i wish i had three tits
person two: wish granted but all three of them are hairy and saggy and hit u'r face when you run.
i wish i had a hair on my ears...(e.t.c)

get it mo fo's!?
go for it

Adam A's picture

meow

i'll start shall i???

i wish i could make out with "the loser" in an elevator!

fox333's picture

Wish granted but that loser

Wish granted but that loser has mono.

I wish I was beautiful.

808Chik's picture

Wish granted. But by

Wish granted. But by becoming beautiful you also become self absorbed and conceited that everyone hates you.

i wish that i could meet the girl of my dreams.

"i am who i am, so don't judge me for being myself"

the ghost's picture

granted but after you meet

granted but after you meet her she has to move to another country and you never see her again.

i wish i could fly

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

Hakase's picture

Granted, but you continue to

Granted, but you continue to fly upwards until you can no longer breath so you suffocate and die.

I wish my physics teacher could actually teach.

Leisa's picture

granted, but in turn you are

granted, but in turn you are no longer able to learn.

I wish things were simpler.

Adam A's picture

meow

granted but in u'r simply mindedness you don't know how to use an iron and you iron u'r clothes while wearing them causing 3rd degree burns to all of u'r body but u'r head, then a dog comes and thinks u'r a jerky and eats everything but u'r head but some simple boys think it's a soccerball and kick it around and mess it all up and for the rest of u'r days u'r a mangled head. LOVE YA!

i wish raining men would come back with his dirty little jokes, that sweet sweet sexual deviant!

Adam A's picture

meow

granted, but he comes back as a zombie and eats u'r flesh turning you into a zombie and then you eat that old dog you're looking after and you die of senile dog food poisoning!

i wish to stop responding and commenting on my own forum

Lol-taire's picture

Sure, but you're barred from

Sure, but you're barred from Oasis. It's like the Fall. You spend your remaining days in toil and sweat and occasionally even childbirth.

I wish I was James Dean, but like pre-death James Dean. Not corpse James Dean.

Adam A's picture

meow

meow granted but you get hit by a bus and ur not as hot as james dean and can't get freaky with any chicks which leads you to become a devoted catholic preist and you spend the rest of u'r days in chastity,never to rise to a higher rank.

i wish somebody would send me a message on gaydar! (lol this one is soooo easy)

Adam A's picture

(meow meow)

meow meow meow and my forum's back on top. FUCKERS!

Lol-taire's picture

Ok, you're bombarded with

Ok, you're bombarded with gaydar messages. But cue the cheap horror film because these messages are from beyond the grave.
It's only the rise of the online living dead. Undead and online: they might be dead but boy are they desperate. So like, zombies are hitting on you. Which is pretty gross.

I wish I was a better singer. More than that, I wish I was an iconic singer of very sad songs.

the ghost's picture

Granted! you are an iconic

Granted! you are an iconic singer of very sad songs.but thats all you can do,you can no longer speak the only way you can communicate with anyone is through song,and sad songs at that.At first people love your talent for singing but then they just cannot deal with singing all the time so nobody wants to listen to your music even though it is fantastic.

I wish I didn't panic constantly.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

clarice123's picture

Granted!

But the lack of panic in your life gives you a load of free time. so your thoughts constantly shift to sex, leading you to be extremly horny all the time. so, to compensate, you spend your nights rollin' around in a stolen car looking for cheap whores.

I wish my straight friend (who spent 50 minutes stareing at my clevage yesterday- yes i timed it) would make a move on me.

whateversexual_llama's picture

She makes a move on you but

She makes a move on you but it turns out she's an annoying controlling bitch with halitosis.

I wish I never had to get sick ever again.

Be yourself. 'Cause if you're busy being somebody else, who's gonna be you?

Leisa's picture

granted, but everyone you

granted, but everyone you love gets sick and dies.

I wish I could get tickets to the democratic debate here in Hollywood tomorrow.

Lol-taire's picture

Granted, but it's the last

Granted, but it's the last political debate you ever attend, because the day after Obama vs Clinton becomes irrelevent when, to the shock of every world government and political commentator, Paris Hilton launches coup. It's actually a very successful coup and she proves a strangely competent dictator, as far as dictator's go. But it doesn't make you feel any better.

I wish I was 17 again.

Adam A's picture

meow

i fucking love this game! granted but then for no reason at all you get chased by a GIANT PENIS, nothing happens buy man it's fucking embarassing!

i wish i could get chased by a giant penis!

whateversexual_llama's picture

granted, but it turns into a

granted, but it turns into a giant hairy vagina out to turn you straight, and it eventually catches you and gobbles you up and spits you out and you're all straight and you start going around yawning at art openings and scratching your hairy chest and bleching and getting really angry about sporting events and objectifying women and reading bad porn.

I wish it would rain chocolate.

Be yourself. 'Cause if you're busy being somebody else, who's gonna be you?

Adam A's picture

meow

sorry to disrupt, who reads porn??

Adam A's picture

meow

movig on with the game.
granted but it's the chocolate with the orange in it and it omg so fucking grose and then a giant penis comes outta nowhere and starts chasing you but doesn't catch you he's a slow mother fucker (btw omg that was so grose about he giant chicha, the giant vagigi, the giant poochi).

i wish tea and milk never again had to touch one another

Lol-taire's picture

granted, but I track you

granted, but I track you down and kill you because I need my strong PG Tips (endorsed by monkeys) in the mornings and often afternoons as well. And that has to involve a lovely splash of milk, no sugar. Damn your effete earl grey, darjeeling and milk optional teas, I need my builders' tea.

I wish I'd been more productive with my day and was actually at the library now (as planned) not still at home with wet hair.

Leisa's picture

granted, your productivity

granted, your productivity level is astronomical, but in turn you can never ever do anything that could even remotely be considered fun.

I wish, I wish, oh I wish the goblin king would come and take you away.

*bonus points to whomever can identify that wish quote :)

-Ruby-'s picture

it's from LABRYNTH !

[p.s., The Goblin King (a.k.a. David Bowie) ROOLZ.]

Leisa's picture

congratulations, bonus

congratulations, bonus points in an undetermined amount awarded to you, Ruby dear.

-Ruby-'s picture

Granted...

BUT then you become the Goblin King's concubine and must remain in the Goblin Kingdom, popping out half-Goblin half-human babies forever.

I wish they made nailpolish that NEVER CHIPS (yet is easily removable when desired).

Lol-taire's picture

Do you know, for David Bowie

Do you know, for David Bowie in leggings it would be just about worth it. God, I thought he was the actual measure of amazing when I saw him in that film. I was a strange child.

But yes, nailvarnish. All the scientists spend so much time developing this ultimate nailvarnish that all other research is neglected. So humanity is wiped out by a dread disease that no-one made an antidote for.

I wish I could ice-skate picturesquely.

Leisa's picture

granted, you are now an ice

granted, you are now an ice skater on par with the likes of Michele Kwan, Kristy Yamaguchi, and any other famous ice skating legend, however you can never take off the ice skates ever again and are doomed to delicately balance on the thin blades for eternity.

I wish never had to worry about money ever again.

clarice123's picture

granted, but you turn into a

granted, but you turn into a money-whore, and can never find true happiness because all you want to do is sit around in your huge house and count your money.

i wish i could read minds

Adam A's picture

meow

granted but then a giant cucumber called larry and two tomatos randomly chase you around your house, one of the tomatos launches itself at you and knocks you down, then the other tomato squashes itself on u'r head and the cucumber spears you through the back.

i wish that turned out to be jet lee's daughter

Adam A's picture

meow

granted but you must stop responding to u'r own comments you schitzo freak.

i wish i could have wild monkey sex with ruby, her boyfriend and a ferret named fred.

whateversexual_llama's picture

Granted, but then Ruby

Granted, but then Ruby starts popping out gay jewish babies and you're commited, emotionally and monetarily, to these babies, and there's so many babies that Ruby's boyfriend elopes with the ferret to escape the crazy babiness, and you have to spend the rest of your life driving from soccer practice to Bar Mitzvah lessons to Bubby and Zedi's etc etc in a big old minivan.

I wish I could have wild monkey sex with Ruby, and Adam can keep the boyfriend and Ferret to himself elsewhere, thank you.

Be yourself. 'Cause if you're busy being somebody else, who's gonna be you?

Adam A's picture

meow

am i not good enough for you?!

whateversexual_llama's picture

Sorry, sweetie, you're just

Sorry, sweetie, you're just so... male, y'know? No hard feelings. Or hard... other stuff, for me. ^-^

Be yourself. 'Cause if you're busy being somebody else, who's gonna be you?

Inkblot's picture

Granted

But then she grows fangs and chews your head off and you get banished to the underworld where you have to take care of Adam and Ruby's gay Jewish babies. Oh, and the ferret gets to laugh at you.

I wish my head didn't hurt.

Do I shock you darling?
-Sally Bowles, Cabaret

the ghost's picture

Granted

Your head doesn't hurt anymore,but its also no longer attached to your body as you have been decapatated.

I wish I didn't have to learn structured query language.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

5thstory's picture

Granted. A vicious

Granted. A vicious revengeful killer whom Inkblot was dating finds out you murdered Inkblot. Of course, he proceeds to cut your head as well. With a plastic, disposable spoon. The process lasts 39 hours, you died in the 30th, after screaming with pain for 29 hours and 4 minutes. Cheer up! death is a good excuse to not learn structured query language.

I wish I could just find a boyfriend.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

whateversexual_llama's picture

You find a nice looking

You find a nice looking boy-toy online, but then he turns out to be a creepy old... woman.

I wish dating were easy.

Be yourself. 'Cause if you're busy being somebody else, who's gonna be you?

Adam A's picture

meow

granted but then you become the biggest slut in the world, contract HIV, aids by extention and die. the world forgets you the very next day. sorry love it's rather sad isn't it?

i wish....hmm, how about....i wish ruby would become a nun, all chaste and what not. and not a jewish nun, a catholic nun, sisters of mercy perhaps?

Notuptothinkingofacreativeusername's picture

Granted

Granted, but you miss her witty comments and naughtyness so much that you kill yourself

I wish that my best friend liked me how I like him and would ask me out...

Notuptothinkingofacreativeusername's picture

actually...

Actually, scratch that, I wish that whateversexual_llama would stop talking about Maria, cause I love her, really (whateversexual, not Maria) but it's getting annoying, sorry dahling

whateversexual_llama's picture

Granted, but then I start

Granted, but then I start talking about other people so much that you wish I'd go back to maria, because at least I was occasionally poetic about her, and now I'm just whiny and suicidal. ((Actually, though, I'm pretty much done talking about her now.))

I wish I wasn't so easily distractable, because then it wouldn't take me 2 hours to write a gaily news.

Be yourself. 'Cause if you're busy being somebody else, who's gonna be you?

Adam A's picture

meow

granted but you drift into your own world and die a lonely carzy lady who throws cats, and then you sue the simpsons show for basing the crazy cat lady on you and you get 80 million buks and buy a mansion and a million cats and a cat cat-apolt.
(yes i am aware that you sued the simpsons after you die and then bought stuff with the money but i don't care it's my fucking wish bitch!)

i wish i had a pink unicorn!

the ghost's picture

Granted but it takes an

Granted but it takes an extreme dislike to you after you try to have sex with it and attacks you repeatedly.It injures you so badly that you end up in hospital but you don't die,you are forced to live out your life lusting after the pink unicorn.

I wish I had a pet monkey.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

Notuptothinkingofacreativeusername's picture

Gramted but...

Granted, but it constantly flings shit in your face!

I wish that vanilla extract tasted as good as it smells

Adam A's picture

meow

granted but then it smells like shit.

i wish ruby was a boy so i could get all freaky with her in the elevator

whateversexual_llama's picture

granted, but... dude, that's

granted, but... dude, that's just fucking messed up. I mean, ok, granted, but since she's a dude it's like, no fun 'cause she doesn't have amazing boobies anymore.

I wish I didn't go all melty around hot girls.

Be yourself. 'Cause if you're busy being somebody else, who's gonna be you?

the ghost's picture

Granted,but you turn into an

Granted,but you turn into an ice maiden and go all goey and melty for no one at all.

I wish I could have sex with tegan from tegan and sara

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt