I'd like to think I was working around to telling,Sarah(I think thats the name I gave her in previous entries),that she does infact rock my world,and honestly right now she is the only person I ever really want to spend time with.I know I have been round in circles with this and decided enough was enough and I would just have to get over her.But how can I? How can I when she is the first person to call me or text me everyday.How can I when she is the last person to text me at night as I go to bed to say goodnight,and in between all that she is the person that sends me a million texts all day everyday that I don't see her!Honestly it feels as though we are already a couple though we are not.The other night we watched dvds together at her house.We were curled up on the sofa beside each other and it felt so nice to just feel so close sitting there watching tv.
But I don't know how she feels.I don't know what she thinks of me.I don't know if I read into things that aren't there just because I want them to be.I know I'm never going to know if I don't ask her,or tell her how I feel.But I don't want to mess things up because I don't know what I would do if it made things weird between us.I know this is silly.I know I should just get a grip,grow a spine and do something.But I just don't know.I feel to awkward to go ahead and do anything.I also feel kind of silly about it too.
In other news I have to say I was kind of shocked at my dad last night.There was a gay guy on tv and he started making fun of him.Then he started telling me that he and the lads from work make fun of gay guys that come into his job.He was telling me like this was a hilarious thing to do.I was angry and hurt.All I could really say was "dad thats just mean".I don't think he got that I didn't find it funny,but there wasn't much else I could say as I didn't feel like it was an ideal situation to out myself in,ya know? I felt a bit upset for a while afterwards though.Like all the negative thoughts and insecurities about being gay are true.Thats how people would see me if I was out completely.To be made fun of the way my dad seems to be able to do casually with the guys from work.But then I got a grip of myself and rememebered that the whole world doesn't think like that,and anyone I have told has been fine.Its still a little upsetting,but I think my dads attitude just stems from a generation that doesn't really understand.Its ignorance I guess.
Well thats all I have to write for now.So I shall end it there.