the story

the ghost's picture

I'd like to think I was working around to telling,Sarah(I think thats the name I gave her in previous entries),that she does infact rock my world,and honestly right now she is the only person I ever really want to spend time with.I know I have been round in circles with this and decided enough was enough and I would just have to get over her.But how can I? How can I when she is the first person to call me or text me everyday.How can I when she is the last person to text me at night as I go to bed to say goodnight,and in between all that she is the person that sends me a million texts all day everyday that I don't see her!Honestly it feels as though we are already a couple though we are not.The other night we watched dvds together at her house.We were curled up on the sofa beside each other and it felt so nice to just feel so close sitting there watching tv.
But I don't know how she feels.I don't know what she thinks of me.I don't know if I read into things that aren't there just because I want them to be.I know I'm never going to know if I don't ask her,or tell her how I feel.But I don't want to mess things up because I don't know what I would do if it made things weird between us.I know this is silly.I know I should just get a grip,grow a spine and do something.But I just don't know.I feel to awkward to go ahead and do anything.I also feel kind of silly about it too.
In other news I have to say I was kind of shocked at my dad last night.There was a gay guy on tv and he started making fun of him.Then he started telling me that he and the lads from work make fun of gay guys that come into his job.He was telling me like this was a hilarious thing to do.I was angry and hurt.All I could really say was "dad thats just mean".I don't think he got that I didn't find it funny,but there wasn't much else I could say as I didn't feel like it was an ideal situation to out myself in,ya know? I felt a bit upset for a while afterwards though.Like all the negative thoughts and insecurities about being gay are true.Thats how people would see me if I was out completely.To be made fun of the way my dad seems to be able to do casually with the guys from work.But then I got a grip of myself and rememebered that the whole world doesn't think like that,and anyone I have told has been fine.Its still a little upsetting,but I think my dads attitude just stems from a generation that doesn't really understand.Its ignorance I guess.
Well thats all I have to write for now.So I shall end it there.

Comments

Disney's picture

Well,

It sounds like *Sarah* really likes you! Unless everyone at your school who is friendly texts like mad and does it at night when they should be off to beddy-bye, I think you have an attraction! You shouldn't feel bad about being indecisive, caution isn't a bad idea when you feel attracted to someone who's giving you the right signals. Now you just need to take it up to the next level and talk to her about it, really TALK to her, no texting it to her, haha! Not that you would've, but lmao imagine texting that "Sarah, I... I like you as more than a friend" *waits expectantly for response*.

Your dad sounds disappointing to the maximum, I think gay boys like myself do plenty of funny stuff, but maybe one day those who make fun of us will realize it's like making fun of any visible minority, be it blacks, natives, a religious group, or even women in some cases! That's really sad, I hope your dad learns better at some point, but good job on not coming out in a moment of anger! Your coming out probably will shift his ways a lot, hmm, when you think about it, your coming out will definitely have a domino effect.

Even if your dad doesn't stop making fun of gays at work so much, if one of his work buds brings up lesbians after you come up, he'll probably keep quiet which will indirectly discourage the insulting, or he may vocally tell them to shut up. And then that person will be discouraged from making such comments in future, or even discourage someone else. And voila, the collapse of verbal homophobia begins!

Anyway, talk to your girl, either in person or call her up! Or webcam, haha.

You're Amazing.

the ghost's picture

Thank you for the comment

Thank you for the comment dude.I really needed the words of encouragement to make a move with her.Fingers crossed it will go well!

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

Disney's picture

Fingers crossed!

I know you can do it! If you want a back-up plan, consider carrying a cane with you when you talk to her, if she gets mad or overly confused or looks ready to vomit, hit her on the back of the head with the cane and comment on her failing health then take her to the hospital and comfort her and by the time it's all done she will be absolutely in love with you for staying there - if she wasn't already.

Or, try giving her a slinky.

You're Amazing.