I know that this must come up ALOT here, (:P) but for awhile now I've been questioning whether I may be a lesbian. I also know that this isn't something that you can just rush to a decision and BAM your done, but it has been conciously on my mind for a few months now and just wanted to share with someone.
So, here's a little background info of me. I dunno how much of this actually pertains but I'll put it down anyway. I'm almost 18 and have recently realized that I have never had a crush on anyone. When I look back at middle school, when my friends first asked me if I liked anyone, I said that I didn't. After some pestering in disbelief, I told them that I thought this one boy was cute although I never actually did. Two years ago my friends asked me the same question (new school) and I went through the same thought process and eventually just gave the name of the popular guy from our grade.
At the start of this school year this one girl who had never spoken to me before would seemingly randomly begin talking to me about if I was going to the dance and one day if I "liked" boys or girls. That was when it first hit me that I didn't really know. I didn't have an immediate answer, when I was on the spot I was going quickly through my mind for an answer, but I couldn't find one and tried to fumble my way out of it. While I was doing my school work or talking with friends, she would everynow and then come up behind me and give me a hug when I least expected it, put her hand on my shoulder or "patted" my hair. This began making me feel uncomfortable (I think more because of who she is than what she did, I never liked her as a person) so when she repeted the boys or girls question I tried to confidently say "Boys." but I didn't have the confidence that I had been planning on and inside it felt like an empty response.
Then there's some random things that to me, seem to kinda fit. For instance, just the other day one of my friends asked me for the name of a "hot [guy] movie star" and I tried to come up with a name but ended up just saying the name of the one one of my friends thinks is cute. Also, I realized that I don't think I ever have actually thought of any guys as handsome or cute that I've seen and have only thought about it when I have been directly asked. Then there's the fact that my best friend occasionally jokes about me being "sooo un-feminine" based on my selection of clothes and stuff.
I'm still trying to work out my thoughts and just wanted to know if anyone had any friendly advise.