Tati's picture

I know that this must come up ALOT here, (:P) but for awhile now I've been questioning whether I may be a lesbian. I also know that this isn't something that you can just rush to a decision and BAM your done, but it has been conciously on my mind for a few months now and just wanted to share with someone.

So, here's a little background info of me. I dunno how much of this actually pertains but I'll put it down anyway. I'm almost 18 and have recently realized that I have never had a crush on anyone. When I look back at middle school, when my friends first asked me if I liked anyone, I said that I didn't. After some pestering in disbelief, I told them that I thought this one boy was cute although I never actually did. Two years ago my friends asked me the same question (new school) and I went through the same thought process and eventually just gave the name of the popular guy from our grade.

At the start of this school year this one girl who had never spoken to me before would seemingly randomly begin talking to me about if I was going to the dance and one day if I "liked" boys or girls. That was when it first hit me that I didn't really know. I didn't have an immediate answer, when I was on the spot I was going quickly through my mind for an answer, but I couldn't find one and tried to fumble my way out of it. While I was doing my school work or talking with friends, she would everynow and then come up behind me and give me a hug when I least expected it, put her hand on my shoulder or "patted" my hair. This began making me feel uncomfortable (I think more because of who she is than what she did, I never liked her as a person) so when she repeted the boys or girls question I tried to confidently say "Boys." but I didn't have the confidence that I had been planning on and inside it felt like an empty response.

Then there's some random things that to me, seem to kinda fit. For instance, just the other day one of my friends asked me for the name of a "hot [guy] movie star" and I tried to come up with a name but ended up just saying the name of the one one of my friends thinks is cute. Also, I realized that I don't think I ever have actually thought of any guys as handsome or cute that I've seen and have only thought about it when I have been directly asked. Then there's the fact that my best friend occasionally jokes about me being "sooo un-feminine" based on my selection of clothes and stuff.

I'm still trying to work out my thoughts and just wanted to know if anyone had any friendly advise.

the ghost's picture

Hi there

I think the best advice that I could offer you would be to just be open to dating guys or girls.It can be really difficult to figure out your sexuality but I think once you can be open with yourself,it makes things a lot easier.
You've said you have found that you haven't been attracted or had crushes on guys really.Well have you ever felt anything for any girls?Maybe think about how you have a felt about them.It could answer some of your questions.
Sorry I haven't really got any better advice.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

kaj's picture

No intoductory post?

Don't you realize you've broken a sacred Oasis tradition by not writing a "Hi, I'm new here!" post? To make up for it, you will have to be hazed mercilessly. Anyway, I'm not saying you should avoid the topic, but trying to figure out your sexuality isn't the most important thing in the world. If you don't like a guy or girl, who cares? Who cares if you don't like anybody right now. You'll figure yourself out eventually. Welcome to Oasis, by the way. This is the place to go if you need help finding yourself.

wild-blue-yonder's picture

Hey hey, be nice

Hey hey, be nice to the newbie.

Good advice, though, I agree. The key seems to be not to rush these things. Just be careful not to box yourself into anything, not to close any doors, and just go with the flow and see what feels right. And until then don't feel like you need to label yourself, because labels tend to be for other people, and you're the most important person to pay attention to right now.

Welcome to Oasis too, by the way!

p.s. to kaj - I don't think I ever wrote the "Hi, I'm new here!" post, either... I actually think my first post had to do with hiccups, for some reason... hmm. Let me check... yes, it did.

Adam A's picture

don't thin mine did either,

don't thin mine did either, i think i started by saying my name. does that count?
u'r an oldie around here aren't you? you are, just admit it! how old are you? i'm 3 weeks off being 20. i'm old by comparison right?

Leu's picture


I've had a lot of these same problems, never really liked anyone. Have you considered some aspect of asexuality? www.asexuality.org is a good site for learning more, it explains the concept very thoroughly. Openness is good, I agree with previous posters there, I've tried to avoid being bound by labels. Hope you endure any awkwardness and welcome to oasis!

Adam A's picture


so this is what i think. you've given me no reason to think your a lesbian or different in any way. to me you seem like a super cute girl who's a year younger than me who is quite innocent (not naive, innocent, there's a serious difference) and has just not given a great deal of thought into the world of sex. i mean, we've established the fact that boys don't intrest you, but nothing has been said about what you think about girls? kdon't answer that just think about it. if you seriously haven't thought about sex with neither girls nor boys, than i'm right, u'r a cute normal person who's just not as horny as the rest of us, and that's a good thing!