want to be out but i don't know how

wilma wonka's picture

i really want to be out, it's starting to drive me insane, no not really, but it's annoying. I keep telling myself that this week i'll start, i'll just stop trying to hide it and i'll be out, but thus far (in the months i've been doing this) i've actualy told 3 people who i wouldn't have otherwise told. Hopefully i'll get up the courage to come out in health class during our unit on sexual orientation which will start in a few weeks. For now it's just frustrating that i can't bring myself to come out in even the most supportive of environments.

For the entire school year I've had a small crush on a friend of mine. She says she's striaght and seems to believe it but she reminds me so much of myself before i realised I was gay. She told me she doesn't have crushes on guys but thinks anime guys are cute and that is her only reason to believe she's striaght. I don't want to ask her outright because i hate it when people do that to me.

I don't know what to do, either about how to actualy come out or what to do with this crush. Any suggestions?


jeff's picture


Had to delete your new user pic, since it was monumentally huge and messing up the site layout.

It shouldn't let you put anything wider than 75 pixels, if I recall properly. Not sure what happened there.

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

Add me on MySpace!

whateversexual_llama's picture

being out is a lifestyle, I

being out is a lifestyle, I think. You tell the people who need to know- close friend, your parents, the people who need to know this about you. And after that, it's not about telling people. It's about being happy and comfortable and proud, and when the subject comes up, not holding back.

Then again, everyone has a different style. Coming out is super-personal. You could just get a gay t-shirt. Or officially "Come out," and tell people. Make an announcement on the school intercom. Just keep in with the people you're close to, if you feel like the entire world doesn't need to know you're gay.

I think coming out is something that happens... you can't plan it. The way you come out fits your life and who you are... and it's not 'till after you do it that you realize how it happened.

Just relax. More important than the world knowing about your sexuality is YOU knowing that you're happy.

Be yourself. 'Cause if you're busy being somebody else, who's gonna be you?

patnelsonchilds's picture

Whateversexual_llama is

Whateversexual_llama is absolutely right. It is a lifestyle. However, there's usually a progression from being totally in to totally out. Most people say that telling the first person is the hardest, then it gets progressively easier, and I agree. The act of actually saying it out loud to the very first person you decide to tell is probably one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but it is an extremely cathartic experience.

As Whatever says, coming out is an extremely personal business, but one that most of us (hopefully) will eventually share, so you have many friends on here who have either gone through it or, like you, are just in the process now, so no matter how you choose to go about it, you'll never be alone.

Please visit my Myspace Profile and add me as a friend.

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"