All the world is waiting for the sun...

ReinbowGrl's picture

I've got a million words coursing through my veins. Each sentence beginning with I love you and ending with so many different things.

What would I say if I could say anything?

I love you, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know where I fit with you and your life. I'm afraid to ask you this question that I've been pondering for weeks now, if only because I know that you could give in and lay down with her and give away a part of you, that I never could quiet reach. I know that no relationship is perfect, but I'd kill to be your everything. To be able to give you whatever this physical thing is that she is able to provide. I want to be the one to make love to you on long rainy nights and I want to be the one to hold your hand and walk down the path of life until the road ends.

And yeah, I'm jealous of her. In almost a year, I never had to compete for your attention, so I'm not surprised that I find it an annoying thing to deal with now. So maybe I doubt you just a little when you say you love me. Because I know that you're telling her the same thing.

"when i look at you, i feel like i'm home." That reminded me of finding nemo, one of the disney films we watched together curled up on your bed. this mid-fall, winter romance should have flown south just like the birds do to escape the bitter cold of the coming months. if only we could have done the same. playing hide and seek with jack frost sounded fun and dangerous and so adventurous were we. but one could hold out for so long until crashing is imminent. so perhaps it was futile for me to have hope, a tiny flame bought from the matchstick girl, that we could have worked things through... hopeless to hope for hope? i never really asked for much... just wanted to feel wanted and guarded. you, i guess, were looking for love in all the wrong places when i was just within your gaze, playing with the brilliant colors of the warmth we radiated into the cold night. the words that spill unto my lips are all apologies for the vision i couldn't uphold. lacking passion, weren't sure of what you wanted... you couldn't bring yourself to give into me and into this. Time was never inviting for those drunken confessions we kept hidden away behind locked lips, locked hearts, and blinded eyes--so we could look pretty for each other. but when i fell, collapsing, under the weight of secrets I couldn't tell you, you just looked down haughtily... never holding close to keep close. better off as something that shouldn't even have started... so sorry. so sloppy. i just wish now that i could look at you without seeing home.

I love you, and if I knew that you could be faithful, maybe I'd ask you to stay by my side. But these words sound like they're coming from you instead of me. For how long did you long for stability while I chased the wind. So whats it like to have two people love you and you not know what to do? I swear I've been there before, but you wouldn't believe me if I told you that I chose you in the end.



underage_thinker's picture

:'( it's choking on your


it's choking on your beliefs; it's your worst sin saving your fucking life
it's the devil's knife carving holes into you soul so angels will have a place to make their way inside
life doesn't rhyme
-Andrea Gibson