O.V.E.R

missundastood's picture

its all so horribly OVER.
she did it as if it were so easy for her...jus a snap of her long fingers and "its over,i think v shud stick to being friends"
and all i could do was NOD,cuz i was afraid if i spoke another word,a sob would escape.
i clung to da phone tight,and managed to say a "uh huh"(cuz i realised dat v are on the phone and she cant see me nod).she asked me "are you gona be ok?"
long pause.
then after building up courage to actually speak,i said "no.im not gona be ok"
she sighed.and then she said "please...i beg you...dont cut yourself...dont self harm...please"
funny huh?the reason i self harm is telling me NOT to self harm.
i try to maintain my calm and say "well,find me another solution out of this misery"
she says,"why are u doing this to yourself?"
i was kind of stunned at this.i am doing this to myself?!wht does she mean?!doesnt she know that SHE is the reason i cry almost evrynight?!doesnt she know that because of HER,im this beautiful disaster?!
ok.so maybe i need to get my grip back,and become strong enough to not let her affect me.but seeing my current state,i think thats gonna take a loooonngg time.
i really couldnt talk to her anymore.how can we be friends?how can i face her at school everyday?!its gona be weird,ackward and strange.
i probably dint say nethng for a long time because she asked "are you ok?are you crying?" and the dreaded sob escapes.i quickly say "ttyl aite?goodnite!" and hang up.
im starting to wonder if i will ever be happy again.ive just turned out to be someone or somethng i was afraid of turning into.
(8)You cut me open,and i keep bleeding...(8)

Comments

toreador_18's picture

I'll be blunt. I have to be.

So she's gone. GOOD.RIDDANCE. Right? To hell with her!She was heartless enough to give you all this needless grief and then drop you like you were nothing.You deserve better.After all that she has put you through,I don't think you should spend too much time thinking about her,lamenting her.She isn't worth it.Never mind all the pleasant times you two may have had.The pain you felt should wash all that away.But don't let it eat you up.Face it with dignity.Banish it.Take care of you. Remember that sadists prey on the weak.Admit it,now.You have been weak.A person who has self-respect wouldn't shed their own blood over someone like her.She played you easy.She took advantage of your reverance for her.You were falling all over yourself for her and she could not have cared less.You gave it to her too easily. And she didn't love you back one smidge. Worse, she stepped all over you. Do you like being a rug? I imagine not.Love yourself first. A person earns your love from now on, okay?

toreador_18's picture

Stronger wind, stronger trees.

Remember that .

missundastood's picture

i know all of this...i know

i know all of this...i know i deserve better,i know i dont need to tolerate her crap,but the pain she caused is dug so deep...
but im definetly gona try...im gona try coping with life.i cant just let anyone demolish me like that.ur so rite toreador,i just wish there were more pple lyk you around me.i DONT lyk being a rug.i DONT lyk being a puppet.worst part is,even after shez gone,i still FEEL lyk a puppet of hers.
its gona take time,but i KNOW i'll be ok.one day.soon.
stronger winds,stronger trees.im always gona remember that.
:)
thnx for the encouragement and that brush of reality.im glad u were blunt.i need to move on.now.

Adam A's picture

meow

u'r not lisa maree are you?? i mean don't get me wrong love you and all but you scared the fuck outta me, have you ever heard of personal space??? i mean just coz i'm a homo and u'r a lesbo don't mean we're bestest girlfriends and that you can leave me breather messages and threatening texts, i mean wtf, what are you even doing in brisbane and don't get any ideas about hitting on the chinless fucker she's got a boyfriend and she's so innocent and stupid she might just go along with you.
other than that, love ya!