its all so horribly OVER.
she did it as if it were so easy for her...jus a snap of her long fingers and "its over,i think v shud stick to being friends"
and all i could do was NOD,cuz i was afraid if i spoke another word,a sob would escape.
i clung to da phone tight,and managed to say a "uh huh"(cuz i realised dat v are on the phone and she cant see me nod).she asked me "are you gona be ok?"
then after building up courage to actually speak,i said "no.im not gona be ok"
she sighed.and then she said "please...i beg you...dont cut yourself...dont self harm...please"
funny huh?the reason i self harm is telling me NOT to self harm.
i try to maintain my calm and say "well,find me another solution out of this misery"
she says,"why are u doing this to yourself?"
i was kind of stunned at this.i am doing this to myself?!wht does she mean?!doesnt she know that SHE is the reason i cry almost evrynight?!doesnt she know that because of HER,im this beautiful disaster?!
ok.so maybe i need to get my grip back,and become strong enough to not let her affect me.but seeing my current state,i think thats gonna take a loooonngg time.
i really couldnt talk to her anymore.how can we be friends?how can i face her at school everyday?!its gona be weird,ackward and strange.
i probably dint say nethng for a long time because she asked "are you ok?are you crying?" and the dreaded sob escapes.i quickly say "ttyl aite?goodnite!" and hang up.
im starting to wonder if i will ever be happy again.ive just turned out to be someone or somethng i was afraid of turning into.
(8)You cut me open,and i keep bleeding...(8)