whispers in the dark

the_loser's picture

Today was blah. I had a short nap after school and pretty soon I have to leave for soccer, yay! Probably the only thing exciting about today. That doesn't suggest I don't have a positive attitude, though. The last journal entry I posted I wasn't in quite a good state of mind, on the verge of craziness. And I did go crazy. It was great. But I woke up on Saturday with a really positive mind set and decided to try not to be as crazy anymore, to control myself. And suprisingly it worked. It even worked on Monday when I thought it wouldn't. My crush was gone and I found it increasingly difficult to concentrate in her absence then it did when she was there, and that was crap -_- but the next day was better. I don't leave school feeling depressed as I had before. I haven't felt any bouts of anger like I had. I feel really really in control. It's crazy. I don't have mountain dew. I'm not hurting myself. I'm not obsessing over my crush. The only time I've been in control is if I'm dependent on something (or someone) but right now I'm not. I can actually do this, hazzaa! It's amazing! I think it must be determination. And this doesn't feel like all the other feeble attempts I had made when I was on a caffeine high, or when I was sleepless, it's real. I feel it.
But yeah on Tuesday I was scared at first I wouldn't make it because if she wasn't there that I would get depressed about the whole day but then I made sure that I would be ok because really in January when I tried to forget every school day was boring and it lasted forever. It' show eighth grade was. Boring, slow, unexciting, and I never looked forward to anything, ugh! But she was there and that made it better =D.
For some reason she has like a ton of glitter in her backpack from some project and I guess it spilled everywhere but she grabbed a whole bunch in math one time and threw it all over me and my clothes were all glittery and now she always manages it to get it on me and it was in my hair, which is quite alright with me, she can throw glitter on me anyday! Except it's extremely hard to get off and sticks to your skin -____- But YAY tomorrow is math, I never thought I'd say that, ever. lol. And half the time I think to myself, how pitiful of me, I promised myself a long time ago I wouldn't get caught up in such a situation, but ah well, what can you do?

I have tons of fun dip. And sour patch. I totally went sugar crazy on the weekend, like usual. Rockstar and Mountain Dew and candy, it was really great. I managed to watch 3 movies on Friday night: Pulp Fiction, Planet Terror, and Sin City. All of which were the first time I had seen them. Pulp Fiction I found fantastic, it was hilarious, Planet Terror, not so much, and Sin City was really cool and I liked the color swatches and such. I probably should go to hollywood video to go get some new vids anyway, it's been a couple days. I really really REALLY want to get 30 Days of Nights. I'm quite a fan of bloody movies. And horror. And vampire ones. All of which this movie APPEARS to be, and it looks decent too, not corny. We'll just have to see about that. I completely forgot about it yesterday, so absorbed in my happiness! Hopefully they're not all checked out! Maybe I can leave early for soccer so we can stop by the vid store, it looks like a great movie. Anyway, I probably should go get ready. And just in case you're wondering (if you read this, I'm quite appreciative) the title is the song I was listening to. Not a hard guess, but how many know the artist without googling?