a poem

Ricky-chan72's picture

I just went on an emotional rollercoaster ride. I've never cried so hard over a boy before.

So get this, apparently A isn't exactly over his ex, he thinks about him all the time. S

o this leads me to believe that when we fucked yesterday, he was thinking about his ex the whole time. He told me all this today, and apparently he wants more time before he can decide what he wants. It's fair.

But I just wish he would've never kissed me in the first place, I wish he would have at least told me how he felt about his ex, instead of leading me on and allowing him to have fun with me... but it's ok. I forgive him. I figure, I'll just give him his time and see what happens. If he chooses his ex, well, oh well. There's nothing I can do about that. And if he chooses me, well, that'll make me so happy...but for the moment, I'm just going to wait and see.

Here's something I composed in church today:

You were the refuge I sought from the violent storm,
You were the rose I longed to pick from the thorny bush,
You were the shooting star I longed to catch in my hand.

You were the lofty mountain whose summit I wanted to reach,
You were the tall oak tree I wished to climb,
You were the long path I felt destined to walk down.

You were the forbidden fruit of the tree of Knowledge I desired to eat,
You were the wounded soldier I carried in my arms,
You were the savior who could not save himself.

You were the stream whose waters I bathed in,
You were the light I carried in a sea of darkness,
You were the blue sky above my head.

I wanted you, I had you, but your love was never mine,
You were the one I spilled tears time and time again for,
You were everything I desired, and yet, nothing at all.

Comments

jeff's picture

Aww...

That sucks. Of course, how they broke up determines what to think about this.

I mean, if he was dumped by this guy, then he's thinking of someone he can't have over you, the hot guy he can have, so that's a bad scene.

If the ex is still a possibility for him to get back with, then it's still sort of a dick move, since he's stringing you along while wondering what he wants.

That said, I doubt the whole time he was having sex with you, he was thinking of his ex. It can obviously bring up emotional issues where he wonders if he's over his ex, but I'd think most of the time it was all about you. Usually, people thinking of someone else in bed is when they are together for a while and getting bored. I mean, he's only had you twice, still too new for the male mind to wander... :-)

Not much else to say, seems like a mature, level reaction after the emotional turmoil he caused.

---

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Ricky-chan72's picture

Yeah, um...

I'm a wreck right now. Seriously. I thought I was going to be ok, I just meditated and that helped for a while, and now I feel like shit again. I asked him to call me so we could just talk a little, but he hasn't yet, so whatever.

--"The reason I can pursue something with no fear... is because I'm afraid to go without it."-- Shuichi, Gravitation--