wilma wonka's picture

What do you guys think about it? Are any of you abstaining from sex until you get married or in a lifelong relationship? Why or why not? etc

theonechickcagelle's picture

abstinence= bullshit. i

abstinence= bullshit.

i think that it teaches people that having sex is shameful. i'm not saying i'd go sleep with anyone, i'd at least like to know and care about the person. but i think that abstinence is a load of crap.

"It's hard to diet when you're a lipstick lesbian. How can you eat Jenny Craig when your mouth is full of Mary Kay?"

electricity's picture

Haha "abstinence=bullshit"

Haha "abstinence=bullshit" and I love the quote. I heard it on Adam and Steve.

jeff's picture


Between times I am having sex with dates, tricks, or otherwise, I always abstain. Not on purpose, but still abstinence however you slice it.


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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Neutrina's picture

Agreed with

Agreed with theonechickcagelle.

As a society, we use sex to demonize people. As in, one of the first rumors spread about an enemy country is that the people are promiscuous, or the men all rape the women. Or, our tabloids print sex scandals about the new leader.

So, a policy of "abstinence only" agrees with the sex = shameful viewpoint. Which gives power to this form of demonization. If we try to believe that sex isn't shameful, then that's one type of power we take away from the societal machine.

"She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for"
-The Click Five "Just the Girl"

darla07's picture

I'm abstaining..

I'm abstaining,because I am religious....abstinence until marriage as my youth pastor says, but I don't always listen. He also says homosexuality goes against gods plan for humanity (I always ignore that sermon as does half the youth group). But also I'm abstaining, because if I can't say I love you and mean it to the one I'm with, then LOVE is not there!

When she lowers her eyes she seems to hold all the beauty in the world between her eyelids; when she raises them I see only myself in her gaze.
- Unknown

jeff's picture


That's sort of the gay-religious trap, though. No sex until marriage... no marriage. Need to make sure you have a planned loophole there. :-)


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

Add me on MySpace!

the mouse that roared's picture

I'm not really made for

I'm not really made for hooking up. I think I need to wait for my first time until I'm in a relationship, just as a personal comfort thing. I certainly hope I care about the person and would like to stay with them, but marriage/life partnerness definitely does not need to be in the cards.

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day

jeff's picture


Reposting this here, since wilma started a blog and a forum on the topic at the same time, but I put more thought into the journal comment below, heh. The issue was slightly different, as her blog was about an article about a Harvard professor advocating abstinence as a feminist stance against men or somesuch nonsense:

Abstinence is all the rage, these days. It is the only way to get any funding for certain programs if you go through the government. Even all the money pledged to fight AIDS in Africa has to include a lot of education about abstinence, in a society where HIV is most often spread through rape? Good plan there, just say no... which, you'd probably be doing anyway during rape.

The upside for teenaged boys is girls who take abstinence pledges in high school are more likely to give you oral, and as your relationship progresses, when you'd normally get to hit your home run, you still will, only a few inches lower. Yes, it seems, the Republicans have created a whole generation of apple-cheeked girls who now say, "I'm saving myself for marriage.... fuck me in the ass," to quote Bill Maher. The abstinence group also had a higher STD rate, if I recall properly. Which makes sense, because abstinence is making you think about not having sex. If you think about not having sex, you want sex. Whereas if you just let it alone, I think there would be less sex in general.

I know when I diet, if I focus on the fact that I'm not supposed to have a cookie, well, it becomes quite the battle not to have cookies. But, when I'm not dieting, I rarely eat cookies. Refusing to have it is what makes it desired.

If feminists refuse to have sex with men, won't men just go fuck other girls? Unless you get every woman on board, it seems to be a bad plan to me. I also think it makes sense it would exist in the world of academia where people are more likely to live in their heads, to the point where sexual release would be more likely to come with a patriarchal subtext pre-installed rather than more primal responses like, say, female pleasure. (Again, more of a case for lesbianism there than straight guys, from what I understand. Not sure, I haven't slept with enough straight guys... yet).

I mean, sure, women who have sex with men for validation, to get ahead, or other bad reasons, sure... teach them to own up to their truth and such, but this seems a bad prescription for the general populace.


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

Add me on MySpace!

Lol-taire's picture

Abstinence is a great idea.

Abstinence is a great idea.

Stop me because, I've told this one before.

Back at Catholic school we had two born again Baptists, silver ring thing UK delegates waiting for true love and just saying no. Nice girls.

Louis, unofficial youth pastor, ferried them and their fellow young christain soldeirs about the place. He was a beautiful man, like an angel long-haired drove around the place in hippy van keeping only the company of teenagers. He'd pick them up from parties and from school. Mid-twenties, definately suspect but no funny business. But he had a passionate hand holding relationship with Virgin no.1, as soon as she turned legal; not that it made much difference, he wouldn't even kiss before his wedding day.

Virgin no.1 throws a party. Plastic covers on the sofas so her parents wouldn't worry about drinks spilt on furniture.
Like every party at the time it's suburban girls acting out scenes from the last days of Rome. The Virgins had a convert for a while, we'll call her affectionately Slag. She was a virgin only on a technicality but swore abstinence to get attention, relapsed at the party- tried to have sex under a sheet in the living room. Crowd of onlookers, until coitus interuptus someone pulls the sheet off, so Slag locks herself in the downstairs toilet screaming.

In the end Slag lost the last of her virginity to a radio host in the back of his car. She'd called in with a request.

The point is a bit of repression goes a long way.
Like, knowing that secret assignations in the vestry with my secret girlfriend would irritate the pope, was almost as fun as the actual awkward groping- which was very teenage, ectastic but inexpert. God, it was more fun than anything legitimate. Much better than acceptance.

Abstinence is the context that makes everything so much filthier- don't do that, it's bad.

It's like since the government have started up this barrage of anti-smoking adverts a voice in my head says: if you start now, you'll look like Lauren Bacall.

So, yeah abstinence is great. Actual celibacy on the other hand...

1stTeeka's picture

i was going to wait lol

i was going to wait until my 18th birthday lol, it ws going to be one of my birthday presents. well two weeks just about from my b-day, we had a house all to oursleves, and well, i didnt feel like waiting the two weeks lol XD but so i dont really agrree with abstinence, and since we cant get married, i dont think it applies to us XD oh, except in Massachusetts since we can get married there, so i guess we would have to stop until were married if we entered Massachusetts? XD i dont believe in abstinace, i beilive in waiting till you want to give it to someone special :)

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

-Ruby-'s picture

i hate to say it, but...

i think abstinence sucks.
i mean, i have a high sex drive and a hot body...
i don't want to sound like a bitch, but why would i want to deprive worthy guys/girls of that? LOL.
i'm a big narcissist...
but i'm pretty so it's okay.
if it feels good, do it.
a rabbi once told me that nature [which includes the human body] is a beautiful thing..
i say, the most beautiful.

Chizuna san's picture


I've been celibate for the last two months. I moved and started sleepng around a bit. I've kind of been wanting my self-respect back.

electricity's picture


Abstinence is all relative. For me, I just believe in having sex with someone you love and feel safe with. I don't believe in promisquity, it seems a little nasty, but if you're the kind that likes to hook up every once in a while, I'm not opposed of your choices. Sometimes I think I'd like a hit-and-quit, but of course, not for losing my virginity.

I don't really understand why sex is made out to be so sinful before marraige as far as religion. It's natural, to be sexually interested. But I don't criticize those who choose it. It's personal, and if that's what they believe, then by God, stick to what you feel is best.

I bleed audio's picture

Waiting for religious reasons?

Yeah I used to say I was abstaining just really to hide the fact that I wasn't getting any and was trying to make it look like I had a choice in the matter. Though thats not the case anymore :) thank god.

As far as waiting until marriage well I just don't see alot of point in that in the gay community. I mean you can chock it up to religious reasons but at the end of the day the majority of religious don't want you getting "Married". I don't really know which states allow gay marriage but I assume it's probably pretty restricted. So why hold out for marriage on religious reasons when religious don't want you married? I just don't see the point. Now I'm not saying that you should throw yourself at everyone but when you find that someone and you feel the time is right go get some because god only knows when your religious ideals will match with the majority opinion.

Despite all the things you may have learned, if you play with fire then you're bound to get burned

Rest in peace Captain America (1941-2007)