I'm afraid my clinical depression is coming back.
I've been feeling down way more often than usual. The littlest things make me upset. Today, I thought about killing myself-- twice.
I don't usually talk to anyone about it unless its really bad. My friends can usually tell when I'm in a mood though, so they'll force me into venting. I've thought about going to a shrink, but I usually shrug it off, it's not worth it; the last time I went to a shrink (around age 12-13), all she did was prescribe me meds, which made me worse, I wasn't really suicidal until after I took the damn pills.
Luckily, the depression has never gotten to the point where I actually acted upon it; I have never attempted suicide, and hopefully I never will.
This is why I'm such a needy person. I always need someone near me, I hate being alone. I can't be left alone with my thoughts, because I'll over-think and analyze everything...every facet, every motive, every action... like today, I was waiting for my friends after school in the park, and as I was sitting by myself, I let my thoughts wander..."I have no real friends... they only like me when they need something from me...when someone else comes along, they just leave me behind...What's wrong with me...why doesn't anyone want me..."
So now I don't know what comes next. I think I'm gonna go pray or something, I need a little push in the right direction.