You know. Every second of my life it seems like I can't develop more. Back in 4th grade - I thought that puberty was a bunch of bullshit - that all that happens is that you get bigger and grow hair.
Boy was I wrong! I turned out to be attracted to males. I wasn't consciously aware that I was a fag - but that came a year later.
Then I began to feel emotions. Like before a certain point - I didn't feel emotions. Like they were there - half of it was because I was expected to feel a certain way. But it was like an explosion. I felt every side of the spectrum.
Then I got my first boyfriend. I don't think it was my first love... Well it was the largest attraction I've felt... and it hasn't been matched so... it could be "love".. but I don't have a good enough perspective.
But back to the main thought! So that opened a world of insecurities and a lot of room for self improvement. And I felt pretty low a lot of the time and high a lot of the times.
So yea.. So much stuff has changed too. But I feel like I've gone no where. My ex has gone off exploring other people and I haven't. I've had mild encounters, but that's it. But I don't jealous. I don't like the way he's doing it. He's going with who makes him happy. he doesn't do commitments really anymore.
But I feel like I'm not moving. But everything is different with me. Maybe I have changed- more than I think. Maybe I can't realize it because I'm the first party...
Oh confusion... This stuff never ends right? Some part of me likes discovering new thing about me all the time.