FUCKING CUNT WANTS TO DUMP ME

scandalboy's picture

i dont know what to do. he said in a text message this morning that he doesnt think this will work out. because he's confused and cant love me the way i love him.
i know that he loves me. but i also know how confused he is sexually. he said he cant deal with it emotionally. so we've hit this wall, he's scared and running. i begged him to not to be so hasty, and to give it time, and told him to think things over.
we're going to discuss this monday, face to face. im fucking shit scared he won't be able to do this at all. i didnt see this coming, its out of the blue. looking back, he seemed so happy with me. but i dont know. im in a tailspin and im scared to death i will lose him.
hopefully over the weekend he'll calm down, sort things out and when we talk on monday he'll have changed his mind. then we'll just take things extra slow. maybe he's been scared off by what happened on wednesday. but he seemed to really love it.

another part of me is angry. mostly angry because he's done this AFTER our escapades on wednesday. because after that, i became so much more invested in him. shit head.
but i still love him. i dont know what to do with myself.

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Well, the text messaging can indicate he's unsure of himself, as though he wouldn't be able to say it in person. Possibly...

I don't think things like this lend themselves to easy interpretation, such as he seemed happy so how could it happen. Too much requires him to own up to his feelings and thought process. I know you can't stop running through all of these things, but at the end of the day there's no way to know what's going on in his head. He could have been freaked out that he was happy and that would mean coming out, living out, and everything he got to put off when his sexuality was something less tangible before he met you.

Ultimately, you can only be yourself. You can adjust for his needs, but at some point, you can't change yourself enough to ensure he's a part of your life.

I'm not certain about his sexual experience before last week, but sex is a major deal, so it's probably not like he just let the sex happen before cutting you lose or anything. It's probably a sense that whatever is pushing him away just intensified because of the sex, it just caused what would have surfaced eventually to happen sooner.

The good thing is, he can't take away your love for him. You own that, and it's real. But only he can decide if he will be there to accept it and reciprocate. It doesn't make your love any less pure or real, though. If it's real, it goes on without him.

I would say you need to deal with him, and his needs, first. Above and beyond your relationship, attend to him. What is he feeling, what happened, what can you do... if you try and help him without investment, he might find a way to work the relationship into the mix. But if you try and mold both of your behaviors to make the relationship work, putting that before your individual needs, it's less likely to work, since it's trying to put the intangible cart before the tangible horses.

In any case, stop questioning yourself and what you did. You found someone. You opened your heart to them. You had sex with them that resonated on an emotional level for you (and not just a random fuck). You can never be wrong if you go into these things completely open and hoping for beauty.

But, you can't control the other person. You can help him as much as he's willing, but it's up to him to decide how much to let you in, or to tell you what happened. But, if you stay true to yourself, and your feelings for him, you may need to love him enough for now to give him time to sort himself out, with or without your help. Let him know you're there for him and willing to help him through anything but, at the end of the day, it's his call.

And, despite being hurt, he can't be a cunt when he hurts you and amazing when he doesn't. Your goal is consistency. It needs to be one of your goals, and it's certainly not his, so that puts the burden on you. If he's a cunt, dump him. If he's scared, nervous, confused, and afraid to love you as much as he thinks he might, then make sure he knows you aren't going to judge him for retreating into fear. You owe yourself, and him, that much.

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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wilma wonka's picture

here here

I completely agree with Jeff. i hope everything works out alright. *hugs and best of luck

"gay: cheerful and lighthearted; merry." - The American Heritage Dictionary.